tempermental

2010-06-26T13:41:00.000+08:00

i've moved.

http://l-inizio.blogspot.com/

2009-03-01T17:53:00.002+08:00

i can't believe you actually said that.
that you'd even think that way.
that i can't be bothered.
you are horribly mistaken
you don't know how hurtful it is, when your friend says you don't care.
i don't know what to do anymore
everything isn't okay for you
i can't understand why you don't look on the bright side
is it really that hard?
maybe you're right. maybe i don't know you at all.
and maybe, you're the one who doesn't really care at all.
for anyone but yourself.

Sara Evans - You'll Always Be My Baby

2009-02-15T21:48:00.001+08:00

Today's mini-event was planned by my dearest cell leader. She wanted to bring forward that Valentine's isn't just about your significant other, or your friends, but most importantly, it's also about God's unchanging love.

I guess I stumbled upon this song when I was actually looking for the Mariah Carey one, but you know, this song with the same title by Sara Evans is a lot more meaningful.

I was a lot like the little girl in the video. And still am. There have been so many times when i've disappointed my parents, disappointed God. And regardless of what I've done, and what I will do, they'll always forgive me, and love me for who I am.

And like the song says, no matter how many times we let Him down, His love will surround us. He'll love us forever, because we're his beloved children.

Thank you, daddy, for loving me just the way I am.

2009-01-21T23:46:00.001+08:00

And now, it starts.
From a tingling in the toes
And it creeps up the body
It grips your heart
Twists your soul
Squeezes your mind

And then, nothing.

2009-01-04T22:37:00.002+08:00

A little bit late for the traditional new year's day post, but I guess I'm still kind of in a daze that 2008 is over. I think it's probably been the fastest year in my life.

It's been two years since I've been back. Almost six years since I left. Change is evident. Growth is evident.

It's been an eventful year. PSB, concert, ICYL, connecTiNG. Failures, successes, problems, solutions. And I've grown so much in Him over the past year than all those years in BJ.

Every year is a year full of changes. But 2009 is different. Something different is going to happen.

We know it's going to be a year of mentorship. Are we ready for it?

we will. because we have the Lord our God behind us

2008-12-26T23:59:00.001+08:00

I just realised I missed out on something yesterday. I wanted to post a video for christmas, but I can't believe I totally forgot about it.

This is the story of Logan, the Sky Angel Cowboy. I pray that, it'll inspire whoever that chances upon this.

The struggles we all go through, the trials we face, are all so that we'll run back to our Father. He understands. He'll always understand.

i'll run into Your open arms

2008-12-25T17:45:00.002+08:00

It's Christmas.

Somehow, I don't feel very...christmas-sy this year. The past few days have been hectic and dreary, like the weather.

Since camp, things seem to be going downhill a little. All the problems and woes started pouring, and the burden just seemed to get heavier.

And I thought, God, I thought post-camp was supposed to be a lot better than this. Charged with fuel and fire for You.

But when I think about it, it all happened because I wanted to be real.

And today, I'm rejoicing, because God sent Jesus down for us today. He blessed us with the greatest gift of all on this day, many many years ago.

His gift wasn't just for us christians. It was, is, and will be for everyone.

I have so much to thank Him for, and He's blessed me with so much, though i have nothing but my life to give.

We take so much for granted.

And give so little.

I know it's really a little cliche, but John 3:16 was really the first verse that popped into my mind when i woke up today.

=) Blessed Christmas!

thank you father, for this day.

2008-10-20T20:27:00.004+08:00

We had inter-class games today. Which obviously, was pretty fun. NOT.

Alright, fine, so I did enjoy myself. An itty bitty tinny bit. But the volleyball court was really tiny.

Hahah, softball was hilarious though. Running around in circles for no apparent reason, is, apparently quite fun.

And we get to do it all over again tomorrow!

That reminds me, I'm getting my guitar this weekend. Isn't it pretty? It sort of looks like the Gibson J-45 dreadnought, which is the one i really really want (that or the J-200. Yeah, the one in august rush. Gibson guitars are gorgeous). And obviously, since a Gibson is horribly out of my budget, I'll have to settle for something less. This is a Maestro SD-2. Nice bright (or warm, i can't really decide) sound, which is really good for cell and all. AND AND, the back and sides are made from zebrawood, so it looks really really unique. I'll show you. =)

Isn't it gorgeous? *beams* Yes yes, and all you classmates of mine aren't going to get your grimy hands on it. wahahahah. =P Or maybe i'll decide to bring it, I don't know. And I still can't decide whether to spend 110bucks more for the semi-acoustic model instead.

Did I mention that it has a matte finish, and not glossy?

I need practice. I haven't touched my poor yamaha in days. I think it's neglected. =(

2008-10-15T19:56:00.002+08:00

How is it that even though someone dies of starvation every three seconds, people find it funny?

How is it that one can be deliriously happy, and then be reduced to a pile of rubble in a matter of mere seconds?

How is it that someone can be sickeningly sweet one moment, and slaps your cheek another?

How is it that no matter how much you try, you just can't run away?

If this is really a confidence issue, I guess it's really ironic about me.

But I don't forget things easily. And i suppose that's part of the problem.

Sometimes, I wonder if people really learn from falling.

What if you can't get up again?

How do you learn then?

and just so you know, things aren't so complicated. stop twisting them up, because it's your fault that tangled webs are weaved.

2008-10-09T21:37:00.009+08:00

it. is. finally. OVER

OVER OVER OVER.

PRAISE THE LORD!

WHEEEEE.

It's so hard to come up with a blog URL. Stop being so picky. TSK. I'm a genius, and i come up with the most wonderful URLs, okay? So STOP BEING PICKY. SO THERE

______________________________________________________

So, recently, i went for dinner with my ex-neighbours at the Ascott in Beijing.

We ate a lot of dessert. This is belgian waffles with chocolate ice-cream, sprinkle and fudgeee. =D

This is the desert plate i arranged for my mummy. So pretty. =D I think i have a career in the food and beverage industry.

And this is Avery. Isn't she so cute and pretty. I used to baby-sit her when she was three. Now she's five. =D

And this is Avery again.

And this is Avery and I. Do you know, she's got an Ipod shuffle. And i don't even have an Ipod! Okay, fine, so i ruined my Nano. Tis wasn't my fault!

And this is Avery and I again. Hahah, you know, she's bilingual. And her conversational chinese is superb. Seriously. I think it's better than mine when i was 5.

And this is the sunset from my house. =)

turn the clock.

2008-08-20T20:34:00.002+08:00

listlessness.
pacing. back and forth.
the brink of insanity.
just a little bit more.

dark.
searing pain.
the death of a thousand cuts.
but no blood, no shredded flesh.

falling.
piece by piece
like plates off a shelf
shattering one by one

disappointment
blowing your way like a small leaf
thin, brittle lifeless.
inevitable failure

the tangled webs we weave.

2008-04-23T23:03:00.001+08:00

Will I have the strength to face tomorrow?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
yes, because there's nothing my God and I can't handle. Right?

2008-04-19T20:32:00.002+08:00

Everything's flown by,
Like leaves in the wind.
Fast, yet, not fast at all.
The road's still hard and long
But we'll get by.
It's the little things we treasure the most.
A smile, a hug, a tear.
The words that were whispered.

"That, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before."

-The Rembrandts (I'll Be There for You)

And this is my promise,
That I'll be strong.
Strong for you.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm going to start song-writing soon.
I know. I always fail. =S
Bleh. But i'll stick with it this time.
After the MYAs.
They really do suck.
I'm stuck in my room with notes piled high.
Paper jungle!

2008-03-23T23:01:00.004+08:00

happy easter! jeremy camp is awesome. =) His songs really fit the way I feel, and it's awesome. Listen to this.

I Still Believe

Scattered words and empty thoughts
seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
seems I don't know where to start
but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
with promises I still seem to bear
even when answers slowly unwind
it's my heart I see You prepare
but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every finger tip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe

The only place I can go is into your arms
where I throw to you my feeble prayers
in brokeness I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know You are near

2008-03-20T21:34:00.009+08:00

=) hello new image!

Yay, so i've finally decided to start posting again. Un-regularly, perhaps, but still. I know you're all celebrating somewhere (here you can all roll your eyes. Go on, I KNOW you want to do it) It's so painfully obvious. Anyway, I shall recount my week.

So, this week was the start of LJs. So fun. I still remember last year's, where we ran around stupidly to find a freaking cenotaph. But we had fun. =) (refer to last year's crazy LJ post. It was totally rad. XD paying pizza hut in COINS. muaha.)

I shall post photos. Although my camera isn't a FANCY CANON EOS 400D (dumb wan ting) I like them. They tell stories. =)

19th of March. Kampong Glam.

I think it's my first trip to Kampong Glam. Seriously. It was so very....foreign to me. The mosque was cool. OH CRAP, I DIDN'T TAKE A PHOTO OF IT. But anyway, you'll all be going there, so you can see the cool black band at the base of the dome. It's made of soy-sauce bottle bottoms. haha, like really. =)

Went to the old Istana. The one that belonged to the tunku (king) of course. It's so tiny now. Watched the same performance that once came to our school. Trisha was pushed to wear the sarong. I have a picture. It's not very clear, since I was sitting at the back and jovina+yek were making me laugh. So i shan't post it. =) There's only one really good picture of today though.

The drum. Hahah, we were saying that the left hand looks like a guy's. Both of them were showing off drum rhythms. pfft.

20th March. Lower Peirce

Do you realise how many people do not know how to spell Lower PEIRCE? It's quite funny. Walked around in mud today. I think it's my first time to a resevoir too. I think Singapore's actually quite foreign to me. The signs in the resevoir boardwalk are quite interesting though. Here are a few:

Don't point a banana at a monkey.

(Don't feed the monkeys)

I liked this one the best. No funny caption though. =( No fish as bait?

The headless dog.
(No bringing of pets)

I'm being horribly lame. Oh well. But the whole thing was really quite interesting, learning about the primary forests in Singapore and how it's a wonderful case study of forests in urban areas. =)

21st March. Good Friday.

=( I didn't go for service today. But my parents took me out for lunch. Pepper Lunch. I'm really really full now. Went to fairprice Xtra. I finally bought the legendary Alpen bars. Apple and Blackberry. Yummy!

In days of old, nomadic tribes carried blackberries on their travels to remedy venomous bites and apples to bring them luck. We can't promise survival of the urban jungle, but we can help suppress your hunger pangs with the great taste of New Alpen Apple and Blackberry with yogurt bars. A moist and chewy combination of crispy rice & wheat flakes, succulent apple pieces with blackberry juice, dipped in creamy yogurt flavoured coating.

I shall go off for tuition now. I can't stand changing teachers all the time. It really annoys me. A LOT. *rolls eyes* Oh well. Let's go suffer at the hands of homeostasis, life, algebra and whatnot.

2008-03-19T22:32:00.003+08:00

ah. It is rather nice to post again. =)

___________________________________

I'm going on a journey.
I tried to let you know.
It isn't your fault.
And i'm sorry to push you away.
But I need to do this. On my own.
I don't know if it will break me or mould me.
I'm almost positive I'm strong enough.
Almost

It hurts a lot sometimes.
And it feels like you're never there.
I know you do care, really.
It's not obvious sometimes, you know?
And loneliness just engulfs you sometimes.
Oh crap.
This isn't really turning out the way it's supposed to be.

I can't help but remember.
I want to forget.
So very badly.
But i just can't.
It all rushes back when you least expect it.
And i want it all back.
I want my old life back.

I wonder if this is the best.
Is it?
I don't know where was tougher, here or there.
All I'll do is give it up to you, Lord.
Lead the way.

2008-01-20T18:38:00.000+08:00

PHOTO POST.

This one's for Orientation, even though it was about a week ago. I'm sorry, I can't think to do my homework now. =( Not much to see though..

Being Gladiator was fun. I managed to capture 106's "target" Hahaha, they didn't even know I was a gladiator. =P I'm sorry Ser Yee! My class called me a traitor when they found out I was a Gladiator. =S

No clue what class this is. Just a picture for Station Games. This class was awfully...surprised.

Leena. Fugitive Number 1. Crime: Distracting me from my Gladiator duties. PSSH, you ain't getting anywhere, not even with your mega-watt smile! =P

Our conversation sort of went like this:

Miao: Hi Izabel, you know, I have to talk to you about some PSL stuff.

Me: o.O Oh crap, am I in trouble?

Miao: Oh no, it's just that, I have a lot to say. You see.... *Secondary 102 walk past*

Me: WHATEVER Rachel. You're just trying to distract me you dodo. I can't believe I'm such an idiot! XD

Miao: *cackles evilly*LOL

I really did think I was in trouble for a moment, she looked so serious before she gave me this face and started laughing at me. PSSSSH.

Brenda Soh. Suspect 3. Crime: Acting too cute to distract me from being a Gladiator

Random Sec 1. Suspect Number 4. Crime: Being utterly and totally random and IN MY FACE. Okay, I didn't really mind, but still. Have some respect guys! =P

Working hard on the script, while Wen Yan is fiddling with my camera.

Jia Ying and Steffi during the last RI session. I wonder why we weren't cheering. OH OH. It was during the inter-house cheering thing. hahaha. XD I think it was a Waddle-thing, so we couldn't be bothered. Or it could've been Hadley. =S

Secondary 113. Or at least, part of it. We were doing the Austrian song. You know, you can really pick that up super fast. I learnt it during the previous RI session that day. XP

Rehearsing for batch Night Surprise Item. Bowling and Basketball so don't mix. =PPPPP.

The main focus here are the things on the floor. NOT the people. Things on the floor. Okay? Hahah, I love the waterbottle beat!

Breakfast. Obviously, you can tell that this is 113. Unless you're really blind of course. They're looking awfully stoned. But I suppose that's because they slept around 6 hours. No tea for them, sadly. They had to drink MILO. From PACKETS. We really need to get a hot water flask for overnight camps in school.

Packing up after concert. They look so sad. Awww. "s okay. You did awesomely well. WE LOVE 113'08!

113'08 Class I/Cs. Without Steffi of course. =( I just love my Emcee outfit. You have to admit, it WAS nice. =D I think i'm really too egotistical at times. Oh wait, that really isn't a big problem. Jia Ying and Anne came down specially to see you guys perform! Yay yay yay. I really want that recording of the concert jia ying!

=( Now I have to get back to my work. Oh wait, I have a "comic" to show you. I've been editing this post for a REALLY long time. It's been a week. Yes yes, so appreciate it. I have more, but yeah. pssh. This camera isn't as good as the Olympus one. And both really suck. =(

2008-01-20T17:28:00.000+08:00

Boo. I'm back from OBS. It was very....fufilling. Seriously. We didn't seem to do much, but the things we did carried so much meaning. Really.

Day 1
We arrived at OBS Singapore. We, being in Camp 2, got the "lesser" of the two camps. Camp 1 was pratically a resort, even though they had to camp in tents too. DON'T ARGUE. You KNOW it was true, okay? Found out that my watch consisted of the nuttiest people. Shan't go into too much detail. Didn't do much, except for ice-breakers, airing out all the equipment, cooking dinner and packing our bags for the trek to Camp 1 the next day. And pitching our tents. Yahh.

Day 2
Woke up, un-pitched our tents at the un-godly hour of 5.30 am. Who on EARTH wakes up at that time? Anyway, we packed our freakishly heavy bags, did some morning PT(I don't suppose weird morning ice-breakers and a 5 min run to the jetty and back really DOES count as physical training, but that's what Kenny called it) We headed off for Camp 1 at around 11.30? It was quite a....taxing trek. A lot of uphills and downhills. We stopped for lunch at around 12/12.30. After lunch, we were made to go into this horrible dark, dank and stuffy tunnel. Yeah, to find random puzzle pieces in the DARK. and we only had one lightstick. I was sick already, so sorta felt like fainting. Anyway, we made it out alive, and trekked to Camp 1, where we pitched our tents, and learnt how to kayak. We managed to learn how to capsize before the Cat 1 storm blew in, and we were freezing our butts off near the equipment store. FREEZING, I tell you. I think that's what made me even more sick. =( Nice thing was, we had dinner in the canteen. It wasn't as bad as my watchmates say it was. I say they were being picky. But being sick of bread, bun, and canned food, I didn't complain. Much. I bet you're so sick of this that you don't want to carry on reading. HAHAHA.

Day 3
Woke up at... 5.30. AGAIN. I managed to drink hot tea today, thank goodness. That really woke me up I suppose. Packed our bags, and dumped them in a safe corner for the safety boat to pick up afterwards. Dragged our kayaks out, and kayaked for 7 hours. SEVEN HOURS I tell you. I was freezing. I think it was cold sweat from under the hot sun. AND I have motion sickness, or naturally, I was sea-sick. ONCE. Which was good. I think oranges help. I LOVE ORANGES. They had wonderfully sweet ones at camp. Pitched our tents and cooked instant noodles for dinner. Wasn't really looking forward to the next day.

Day 4
We had our trekking expedition, which meant walking around Pulau Ubin for SEVEN+ hours. We trekked 13km in total, when we could have cut short the journey to 5km. But that would mean we would miss seeing Chek Jawa. I have to admit, I really do think it was worth that extra 8 km. It was absolutely, stunningly gorgeous. Iva has photos, go and bug her for them. The visitor center is my dream home. When I earn enough money/marry a rich husband, I'm going to buy that house and LIVE in it. Or build one like that, in a place like Chek Jawa. My watch was teasing Kenny horribly about his girlfriend, and a "love-sick" third party, who was none other than Cheng Ho's instructor. HAHAHAH Did rock-climbing after we were trashed out and tired. Bleh. Went crazy at dinner. Or at least, my sick sick watchmates did. I think we were really hyped up about going home.

Day 5
Today was going-home day! We had to wash, scrub and clean everything first though. BLEH. I could've done jetty jump, but obviously, i wasn't about to shower again. =( I really should've done it, hmm? Anyway, we received our...weird certificates that weren't printed straight, some rubber band thing like the Raffles ones the badminton team has, pens and a sticker. Said goodbye to Kenny and OBS =( HAD MACS WHEN I CAME HOME. YAY!

I think all of us didn't realise how much fun it was untill we left it. When I got back to school, all I thought was, "I WANT to go back". Sure, it was tough. Sure, my muscles still ache and I'm feeling horribly sick. Sure, there were a lot of bugs and crap and everything we hate. But I really did have fun. OBS taught me the meaning of determination, what it meant to stick to something, and to never give up. It taught me how to appreciate the things we would normally take for granted, a warm bed, and a comfortable home. I may not be ready to be an adult, but I'm ready to take on the challenges you throw my way. I'll take them all on, and I'll surface a better person. He is by my side, my Almighty Father, and he'll help me conquer all trials, and emerge victorious.

Running with the Victory

Come into your presence
Stand in awesome reverence
Wonder why my King would die for me.

Now I've found the answer
That you died to save all
So I will go forward with naught to fear
Naught to fear

'Cause in you, the bound are set free,
The chained are redeemed.
I can move mountains and stand on the sea
The power of Christ,
Your blood over me
The world cannot stop me when I'm down on my knees,
'Cause I'm Running with the Victory.

I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.
I can do all things in You

Go and listen to the song. It's currently my favourite for worship, but I can't find the chords. I think it's absolutely beautiful. Praise the Lord!

http://download-v5.streamload.com/512d9a9d-dda7-4d1c-8e4a-048a723e4e2f/revbarnz/Hosted/In%20You%20-%20Bobby%20Lam_96kbps.mp3

Yay. Signing out!

2008-01-13T18:06:00.000+08:00

Part TWO of orientation. I shall talk about CAMP.

Friday 11th Jan

Friday started off with an RI session. Taught the Sec Ones the Raffles Jam (RJ style), the Austrian Song, and uhh....forgotten about everything else. =P Muahahaha. Sorry CMU, but yeah.

We then had PSL session Three. It was quite fun....where we discussed this year's theme, Aspire to Inspire. They were slightly unresponsive, but i think they did try. The team building game was quite interesting, where they had to use string to direct a pen. THEN WE TAUGHT THEM DUM DUM DIDI DIDI. WHOOO. I love that, especially since I remembered how to do it. YAY.

They had lunch, which is when I rushed off to meet Pristine and Cheryl, and slogged over the script. I MISSED STATION GAMES, except the last part, where I decided to go for gladiator duty, since the other two disappeared into thin air.

I then went to help my comm tie up/untagle the string for program booklets. That was...frustrating. Then, I rushed off to do script again during dinner, this time with wen yan. Nice Nice zhen ling and emily brought us our dinner. Missed most of concert prep, until the end.. THAT WHEN I FOUND OUT NO ONE HAD BEEN LOOKING AFTER MY CLASS DURING CONCERT PREP. AHHHHHHHH. oh no. =S But they went to take a shower...so that wasn't TOO bad.

The last RI session was...short. HALF AN HOUR ONLY. I think we did the mudclap again, and then the Austrian song, and then Dedication, and whatever else. I don't remember, but i DO ADORE RI sessions.

Hahah, then it was Night surprise. The JPSLs did something about pirates. o.O The P.I.Ts did some dance-off thing, which *cough*priscillialye*cough*dominated. WHOOO the PSL item was THE BOMB. Thanks anthea and jenny for getting us to be so...organised. We had the most rehearsals you know! (and desiree for being the secretary) Fior did a RI/RGS merger non merger thing...with Harry potter and crap inside. (haha dayna: LKY, Harry Potter). The SPSLs did an intro/dance thing to everybody dance now, and they were rapping and all that. Really funny. I didn't get Fila's item at all! It was dance too, but i didn't get why they were dressed up in pjs and tied their hair like they were five. o.O haha, that was really amusing though. XD

We then rushed off to shower. You know, Eunice(chiam) thinks 15 mins is a really fast shower. O.O That's how long i usually take to shower. HAHAH, we had to chase her out. Then we had to shush the sec ones into sleeping. I can't believe they weren't tired at all! Pristine and I were STILL doing the script at 12 when thashi came in and chased us to sleep. The hall stage wasn't very comfortable, so yay i brought my tiny pillow.

Saturday 12th January

We woke up at the ungodly hour of 5:30 AM. The Sec Ones, being SUPER DUPER LIGHT SLEEPERS, woke up with us. o.O I don't know why they didn't want to sleep until six, because their wake up time was from 6 - 6.30. Hahah, i heard some of them COMPARING how LITTLE they slept. o.O So the Hall was cleared by 6:45, and we went to have breakfast.

As most of you know, I drink tea every morning. So naturally, I brought tea along. Two tea bags, and two instant tea mixes into ONE tumbler of hot water. How did I get the hot water? Hahah, thanks to dear sharon chan. This really woke me up, even though I felt like throwing up and I didn't have any breakfast.

The Secondary Ones had house prac, and so I went up to try and edit my script. I felt sick, so I decided to rest for a while. I then went rushing around to confirm things with the Heads and I/Cs and stuff. Went to watch my class at Sports Fest tryouts. Some of them were REALLY good. Yay Yay.

Full Dress rehearsal was from 11:15 to 1:oo. It was an absolute DISASTER. We only managed to let a few classes rehearse, while the rest only practiced entering and exiting. =( We then went back to rushing the script, with cheryl printing it in the PB room at like, 3:20. O.O

Dum Dum Dum DUM. Concert officially started at 3:30. I tell you, I was so nervous. First Boo-Boo i made was forgetting to introduce the judges. o.O But they were very nice about it. And then we were really soft in the beginning, and parents complained. OH NO. We did try our best to be really loud. I think I totally screamed into the mike. We sang Dedication as a filler, and Pristine and I had to sing. Into the mikes. Thank goodness we didn't go off tune. Classes were then presented with souvenirs, and so were the judges.

The most important moment arrived: THE RESULTS. I tell you, we were teasing the judges like crazy. That was the MOST fun we had. Totally impromptu of course, courtesy of Miao and Cheryl's suggestions as well. We had already screamed out the class awards before, and the hall was going crazy. But that was nothing compared to this. Hahah, they started singing "Why Are We Waiting" to the tune of nyeh nyeh ni poo poo. XD Each top three class went CRAZY. It was CRAZY, I tell you. You wouldn't be able to tell that they weren't Secondary Ones by their level of enthusiastic-ness. We then sang the theme song, "I Hope You Dance", and Raffles Cheers to end it off. I tell you, it was nuts.

The video FOC did of orientation week was nice. Absolutely hilarious pictures. =) Rushed over to 113 to take pictures and clean-up. You know, it's really quite cool being famous. Or semi-famous. Okay, I was really soaking up the recognition from both parents and sec ones. =P. The only thing to watch out for now is stalkers. o.O But i'm so horrible no one really wants to to stalk me anyway. (YAY. or no yay. depending on how you look at it.) There was a parent that nudged his daughter and went, "Hey, that's the Emcee!" UBER cool, I tell you. XD

I think I'm still rather hyper. Must be the post-orientation mood. It's 12am and it's OBS leaving day. OH NO. I JUST finished packing. I shall sleep now. HAVE FUN AT OBS!!!!

2008-01-13T17:30:00.000+08:00

Orientation is finally OVER!
Oh man, I think i'm having post Orientation blues. Not good, not good at all.
I think it really was a great success, with everyone putting in so much effort and all.
I really shouldn't be doing this, since it should be the SECONDARY ONES thanking us for doing this FOR THEM, but since this is supposedly my "orientation" that i missed in sec 1, i shall go ahead with my randomness.
Thank You to:
Teacher I/Cs: Mrs Anis, for doing her best to iron out any...incidents. Mrs Wee for being so supportive, and Ms Picca who helped us in handling the sec ones and vetting the script so quickly.
OOIC/s (long chuan, liting, thashi) for doing such an AWESOME job overseeing everything, from reporting day, to CCA orientation to CAMP!
The Reporting Day and CCA Orientation comms for setting the uhhh..."groundwork" for Orientation 2008.
The Design, Programme Booklet & Signage Comm for the lovely orientation booklet, banner, and T-SHIRT.
The School Tour (hahaha yihong) for doing their best to clear up our mess up. ^-^
The Food, Feedback, Orientation Tea, Clean Up comm for our meals, OTea, and of course THE VIDEO! whooo.
The RICE comm, for organising such hyped up RI sessions! I think all of us really enjoyed these sessions, and especially when the Sec Ones started getting enthusiastic.
The Station Games comm, even though I wasn't really a part of this since I ran off to do my script(sorry liqi!) even though i was supposed to be on gladiator duty. I did do the last half an hour though! My class really really did enjoy station games very much!

AND FINALLY, MY OWN COMM!

CONCERT FINALE!

Thank you SO MUCH to the I/Cs, Chow Yue, Wen Yan, and Rachel Tan for organising concert so well, and for being so understanding towards the writing of the script! I'm really sorry that we rushed it out. I think we were really...uhm. I shan't say it.

To Charmaine Wong, since she thinks she did nothing much. But the tips you DID give really really helped get me started. OKAY! So don't say you did nothing.

To members Kay Yi, Priscillia, Rachel Wang, Dionne, Zhi Tian, Anqi and Samantha for putting in so much effort for everything, from seating plans to souvenirs.

To mentor Cheryl Ann, for being so patient with us. I know we really did rush the script this year, and we did look for you pretty late, but without your help, I don't think we could have done such a great job on stage.

To Miao, for editing and giving comments on script, even though you weren't our mentor or anything, but still you helped us. YAY!

And to my dearest partner-in-crime, PRISTINE YONG JIA YING. =) I know you were really nervous, but so was I. We pulled through in the end, didn't we? From rushing out our personalised shirts (we really must get them approved) to our scripts to rehearsing with cheryl and wen yan, to our big debut, you've been such a wonderful partner. Emcee-ing is a tough job, even for anyone as dramatic as you are, but you were SO AWESOME ON STAGE. WHOOO.

This shall be a two/three part post, depending on what i feel like doing. muahahah. Part 2 has PHOTOS. Not many, since my camera kept running out of battery, but whatevs.

2008-01-05T21:40:00.001+08:00

MUAHAHAHAHA. this is PHOTO TIME. FINALLY.

For SO SO LONG, Wan Ting has posted silly silly pictures of me.

I finally found some of HER. (and a few other people)

Picture this.

Party. 205. Twister. Cake. (and a few other things)

*cackles evilly*

Actually, they aren't that bad. At least, compared to MY silly pictures.

*grins* I'm really having a crazy moment here. Don't mind me

Look who's being EXTRA smiley here. Everyone was concentrating on the game, you know? XP

=P The 205 classroom suddenly turned into a beach. I think they forgot that the weren't supposed to have their butts on the mat. I think they really look like beach babes, no?

This was just to show Miss Ong. But, the EXCO adds to the excitement, or so i felt. We forced them to play a game. =D

Jiahe's cake looks oddly....nice in this angle. Must be my awesome photo taking skills. =)

Okay, this makes me look so....vain. Just trying to jolt your memory with my short hair. Hmm, I really don't look as bad as I think in this. I was really bored, and playing around with my phone. =P

LJ week. I think we were trying to stop the egg from breaking. I think it worked, but it was so wet from saliva that we thought the egg broke. SO we threw it away. That was really really wasted.

I realise I don't have many pictures from last year. *shrugs* I could always depend on my dear photographer friend. Hahah, thanks Wan Ting, for capturing all those silly little moments on film. You really do have a knack for getting people at their least glamourous moments. I'm sure you've really enjoyed that, hmmm? =P

I'm surprised I still have time to blog. I think it won't happen so often, but yep. I feel like making another one already. I'm so...bloggy today. XD

2008-01-03T22:43:00.001+08:00

I suppose this is a bit late really.

But it's a recollection of everything that's happened.

About just over a year ago, I had to make a choice. A choice that involved schools, tests, and other trials. That period of time, was my "PSLE" that replaced the all-important exam I managed to skip out on. At the beginning, my mum managed to convince me not to put Raffles on my list of schools. My dad, as most of you know, is also part of the family. He didn't push me into following into his footsteps.

What a mistake that would have been, wouldn't it?

I decided that it really wouldn't hurt to try, especially as I didn't have many schools that I really wanted anyway. Heh, I still remember the day I received the news. I actually screamed in the YCIS locker room. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure why I even picked Raffles anyway. Part of me says that it was to prove to my family I could actually do it, that i was better than they really thought I was. To this day, I'm still questioning why.

Hahaha, remember MY first day guys? I sure do. XD I'm sorry I went feeeeesh, but it's me, and i know it's something all of you will always remember. And that's okay, because, you need to remember something about me, right? =P

The months went on, and I somehow felt something wasn't right. I didn't belong, at least, not yet.

Book Day, National Day, Drama Nite, Net Carn. All these have really made my first year so enjoyable. And credit, really does go to my wonderful Sec 2 classmates, who really, I feel, was most important that led to my conclusion:

I really am a RGS girl. I may not deserve to wear the badge or the uniform, but I do feel that fierce loyalty and unwavering pride every Rafflesian has. And puh-lease, this is not some sappy/corny every day story. FINE it is. But you know what? These things do happen. And they happened to ME. So DEAL with it.

I realised this during the first Raffles Initiation Session with the Sec 1s. It was so sudden, I was really taken aback. It hit me like a ton of bricks, so to speak. It's really quite amazing, how far I've come. Looking back at what I went through, coming out barely unscathed, but with a whole lot of experience behind me, really brought on a wave of nostalgia.

Truth to be told, this really sounds like a speech, or a foreword you might hear somewhere. But this isn't. It's one of my quirky ways to bring you my good wishes for the coming year. No, it isn't another silly poem either, okay? I never knew how important class bonding really was, especially in such a big school. I couldn't remember the feeling of being so...lost, because back in Beijing, everyone knew EVERYBODY. So 205ivers, listen up.

Bring with you the joy, the laughter, the amusement. Bring along the tears, fears, and trials. But the most important, keep the spirit of 205'07 close to your hearts. Bring the spirit to your new classes, and share it. Just share it. There really isn't going to be another class that is just as bonded as we were. But we can try. You were examples of great friends, and the beginning of great people. Everybody needs a little more...oomph to their lives. Why not let us add it? We were notoriously noisy, but we were known for being a tight knit class. We've been unraveled, but the memories and experiences we shared were and will forever be remembered.

God Bless!

2007-11-10T21:44:00.001+08:00

i'm in JAPAN. whee. okay, here goes

Day 1 & 2
Took the midnight flight out, and arrived at 7.00am Tokyo time (we're one hour behind japan..)
I hate midnight flights. I always manage to feel horrible after them, and i can never ever sleep. Watched Hairspray, and half of No Reservations. We went to some random temple in Nara i think. Todoji...or something like that. We headed to Osaka after that, and went to visit the Castle. We didn't go in, as there was no time and stuff. After, lunch, half the tour went to Universal Studios. I, however, went to Kobe's Chinatown. Quite cute really. After Chinatown, we went to see a preserved area of the 1995 earthquake. Scary. Kobe's Harbourland came after that, which meant shopping. Well, my mum and grandparents went shopping. My dad, brother, and I went to the ARCADES. wheee. We won lots of candy with 1000 yen, and we felt quite stupid. heh. Rode the Ferris wheel there too. Had dinner at Osaka's Orchard Road, went to the hotel, and slept. We stayed at the Osaka Dai-ichi Hotel. Otherwise known as the Mairubu Hotel (is that the spelling?) Worse thing was, it was opposite the HILTON. the HILTON. sheesh.

Day 3(which is today really)

We were woken up at 6.00am. Which meant I woke up at 5.00am really. Went to the Gold Pagoda. After the Pagoda, we had a geisha board our bus. She was beautiful in a sort of, ancient way. Don't get me wrong, I think it was the make-up she used. We traveled to a shrine after that. It was on a sort of mountain, and on both sides of the path, shops covered the entire lane. We bought loads of stuff, souvenirs, a yukata, a japanese doll, and more. Traveled after that for half an hour to a bullet train station, which we sat on for 15 mins. The poor bus driver had to drive an hour before meeting us at the other station. We went to Festival-Land after that, for MORE shopping. A pair of denim-like Converse shoes and a pullover became mine after the stroll. Had dinner, came to the hotel. Very cramped, but it has a hot spring. And no, i didn't go into it. I decided to come down to the internet cafe, and sit here. And post this, to let you know what fun i'm having. hee.

That's about it really. I've gotta go, time's running out. I shall see if i can use another computer another time.

I don't really miss anyone. XP JUST kidding. Love you all. heee

2007-11-06T21:13:00.001+08:00

I'm leaving for Japan in...two days?
I suppose.
Heh. I sort of dread/love it.
Don't know really.
I stiched my teddy properly. =D
So much has happened.
Reminiscing about the past makes it seem so...long ago.
i have a nice new turtleneck for the trip.
=D i can't wait to wear my autumn outfits again.
I shall be a very busy person soon.
Wish me luck!

2007-11-02T00:05:00.001+08:00

Drama Night '07.
i am SO proud. WHOOOOO.

After all the yelling, screaming, stress, and fun, it's over.
It's really over.
We were SO awesome, it was scary.
Thank you ALL so much for making '07 such a blast.
Heh. Sorry for screaming myself hoarse.
I can be so annoying at times. *sigh*
I'm STILL packing for PSLTC.
Can't seem to get everything for some reason.
PLEASE REMEMBER TO RETURN ALL MY STUFF. OR I'LL START SCREAMING AGAIN. heh.
_____________________________________________
It's another ending.
Of yet another beginning.
It all manages to come full circle, until we don't realise where's the start and where's the end.
I feel....surprisingly indifferent.
I had a fabulous first year.
True, it had it's ups and downs.
But they all worked out it the end.
And i suppose the indifference was cultivated.
*shrugs* i've had to say goodbye so many times, that i don't think i really know what the meaning of it.
Sounds so...juvenile.
It's true though.
I love you all, so very much.
However, it doesn't seem as if we won't ever be this close ever again.
I think i live in a dream world.
=) heh.

give your best shot for ODT!

2007-10-28T11:52:00.001+08:00

Much has happened yesterday.
Missing items, grumpy old people, tired me.
Who on EARTH would do such a thing?
Don't just think of yourself.
Seriously.
Here's something to make you think.
________________________________
A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and asked, "Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table.
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly.
They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."
They went to the next room and opened the door.
It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here, the people were well nourished, plump and were laughing and talking.
The holy man said, "I don't understand."
"It is simple," said the Lord.
"It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves."
_______________________________
When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you and me. This ain't just for us Christians.
We all benefit if we think of each other.
=) Don't be selfish.
Sometimes, pride's gotta take a step back.

2007-10-22T21:09:00.001+08:00

I shall be a cheerful person, and post absolutely random items.
I've had enough of the depressing atmosphere.
=D
I made a card today. For Val. It's pretty, and it's Parisan.
I finished my jewellery yesterday.
I have three pairs of scissors and two pen-knives in my room.
All the DVDs that belong to me are stacked up on my desk.
I want the black panda toy that jiaa lost. *HMPH*
I don't mind being a fashion designer, although i'm NOT a clothes freak.
Which is surprising really, because I detest shopping. MOST of the time. heh.
I'm usually hungry.
I thank God for giving me all that I have.
I REALLLY need to talk to my best friend.
I might have found more best friends. (not that any of you are less important than another)
I really want to go backpacking with Jules.
I don't know if i SHOULD go.
I hope I get the scholarship to UWC
I need to work harder to be a better person, with a stronger character
I like neoprints.
I'm going to JAPAN.
I didn't WANT to go to Japan.
I want to go to Australia.
I'm writing a song.
I've been doing so for ages.
Not getting anywhere really.
I NEED my guitar.
I left it in school.

I love all of you!

2007-10-20T22:30:00.002+08:00

i suppose since i'm posting again, i'm back from hiatus.
=) just got back from youth service.
I realise how far I've drifted from God.
I'm sorry, Lord.
I'm sorry for not turning to you.
I'm sorry for letting you down.
"You are the way, the truth and the light"
I put my faith in you, Father.
I put my life in your hands.

--------------------------------------------------------

I don't know if I can give it all up.
Technically, I haven't actually experienced anything yet.
I thought I could.
After the awesome time that I had
I'm having a harder time letting go, than i ever thought.
I guess this is life.
Giving up the things we love.
I suppose i'm just about numb to it already.
Cross my fingers and hope that my overall is a 2.0
=) I like making jewellery, even though my eyes hurt like hell.
Totally irrelevant, but who cares?
heh.

2007-09-23T17:41:00.001+08:00

heh. i shall break from hiatus to say this.

I HATE RESEARCH STUDIES

I HATE BIRTHDAYS

i can't stop them from falling now....

2007-07-25T22:24:00.001+08:00

I think this'll be my last post for a very long time.
Maybe. I've decided to go on an undefined hiatus.
But, I've got something to say.
And I feel you must know.

Everything you care about, is so, superficial.
What happened to living life, to its best?
To the fullest.
We're fourteen, for goodness sakes.
Wake UP.
I know, i'm being really mean here.
But, I'm so freaking sick of the terrible mood.
The so called "depression"
If you don't have a reason, DON'T feel depressed.
So what?
Not realising things does not mean you are a horrible person.
We have a lifetime ahead.
Are you saying you're just going to WASTE your life away, feeling depressed about the things you DIDN'T do, but not look forward to the things you can?
Sure, you're allowed to have your moods.
But I'm sick and tired of asking you if you're okay.
If you're still feeling depressed.
Slapping, kicking, biting, hurting yourself won't work.
You think it will wake you up?
Please, it won't.
It never does.
After a while, it just becomes numb.
No pain.
Hah, I'm such an unfeeling creature today.
I'm so tired of feeling so helpless
So, God help me.
Because, I really have no idea how to help you.
And I can't just, not care, because I'm not that sort of person.
This is why I'm writing this.
And it will be here for a very long time.
Not sure if the people who need to read it do, but i'm glad i got it out.
*phew*

Okay. there. haha. I think I'll change my layout first. TAHHHH.

OFFICIALY ON HIATUS FROM.......NOW

2007-07-11T15:57:00.001+08:00

Anyways, I'm blogging for the sake of blogging.
Because SOMEONE keeps complaining that this place is dead.
Well, it is.
I want to go on hiatus, but i have a feeling my blood will be sought for.
=D
Nothing really interesting i guess. Just my exam in a month or so.
My last exam. Hah.
And I once swore I would finish the Diploma.
Maybe one day.
Not now.
My parents keep asking me what I find important.
What has meaning.
I have no reply.
It's not that I find life meaningless and such.
It's more of an, i don't know yet sort of thing.
yeah. *shrugs* wait, i so went off what i wanted to say.
what was it? Oh. the Marine Parade/Parkway Parade trip.
Right.
(I so have to change my skin. I'm getting annoyed by black on computers now.)
For the first time, (okay, maybe not FIRST first.) I sms-ed in class.
Guess who it was?
my MUM.
She ALWAYS does that, and I never respond.
THEREFOR, i ALWAYS get her messages late.
But, I decided to take a look.
And made plans to go to Marine/Parkway Parade.
It's super DUPER far!
Guess what i went there for?
To buy a FRYING PAN
Yes people, a frying pan.
Guess what happened?(haha, i like to keep you guessing.)
We didn't buy the frying pan.
We went ALL THE WAY there, and we didn't get that.
I got rather pissed.
To top it off, i saw this nice pair of shorts, and we didn't get that either.
But that isn't really the point.
We got this little metal heat-up thing.
It's so primitive, it uses a CANDLE.
hahahaha. it's really cute though.
I was sulking, basically.
So my mum bought me cookies.
I bet she bought them for herself and gave me some so that i would be pacified.
No matter.
I shall hide the cookies before she finished them.
hahaha. But, i shan't. because i'm NICE.
And I should not eat so much chocolate.
Yes.
I realised I have a pretty bad memory too.
Ah well, no matter.
Oh man, i shall stop now.
Plenty of homework to rush.
=)

2007-07-02T15:54:00.001+08:00

Another day rushes by, and you stare out the window.
Things become blurry, as hot tears splash onto the window sill.
The sound of hearts shattering into a thousand pieces resound in your ears.
The screams, the cries, the pleas.
Are all washed away into the blood-soaked earth.
The sun shines.
What an irony.
It is piercing, harsh.
It is laughing.
Laughing at the pain, the sorrow, the bloodshed.
It can't wait to dry it all up so it can begin again.
You give an anguished cry.
Your tears fall faster than ever, realising the harsh truth.
You can't do anything.
You can't do anything to help.
You slam your hand into the mirror.
It breaks into seven pieces.
Shards pierce your skin, letting blue blood flow down milk-white skin.
You feel sorry for yourself for a minute, but it is gone as fast as your smile had.
You should be feeling sorry for them.
You don't.
You never did.
And now, you are crying.
Crying for them.
You tear out the shards, marring your perfect skin.
Looking at your porcelain face in what's left of the mirror.
You realise how hidden you have been.
How fragile you are.
How helpless.
You're angry.
You're angry at the ones who have hidden you.
When you could have shared the pain, the burden.
why didn't they let you?
They seem so far away.
They're never coming back, you realise.
Clouds float, covering the glare of the sun.
It rains.
It washes your tears.
Cleanses you.
You close your eyes.
You're soaked, but you don't give a damn.
The wind blows, but it's warm.
The sun takes a peek from behind the cloud.
It's sorry.
You listen carefully.
You can hear their wishes that they whispered to the wind.
You smile.
And the world smiles with you.

2007-06-18T18:54:00.001+08:00

NG JIA MING!
(dang, at times like this, i sure wish you had something in front of the Ng. Then i could totally embarass you, but okay.)
So girly, how are you enjoying the life of a fourteen year old?
Doesn't feel any different, does it?
Hah, the only reason I'm posting this, (which i doubt you'll even READ it) is because you need uhh uhhh....you need an Izzie(bleh) speech.
Yes. (time to go, uh-oh)
*shrugs* nothing really personal is going to be up here. (i don't think.) hee. anyways, congratulations!
Wait, that's WAY too corny, even for me.
Right.
I'll stop. Here goes:
You know, it was funny. I always thought that you were the little happy-go-lucky type. Boy, was I wrong. (i even thought you were going to go into depression, but, thank god.）
Sure, I didn't say anything. I didn't know whether it would offend you.
True, I was a tad bit scared of you and jiahe at first.
But I learnt that I've made amazing friends.
(i guess you know what i want to say here, so i shan't say it.)
What i REALLY want to say is, thanks.
Here's a verse, Proverbs 27:9
"A sweet friendship refreshes the soul"
=) You sure did mine, and others, i'd bet.
In fact, my friends have all shown me a different side of life.
Perhaps I've said it before.
However, I can never say it one too many times.
Thank you loads for being in my life.
Thank you for helping me through everything.

No one is perfect.
You don't have to be.
Because we'll be right there beside you.

2007-06-10T20:51:00.001+08:00

hahaha. Iz is going to SENTOSA!
Okay, so it might not seem like the MOST EXCITING place.
But, considering I haven't set foot in the place for somewhere around 6 years, I'd feel excited, no?
Well, I am.
Hah.
I'm going to come back all dark and tan like all the atheletes. =D
But, I'm not DARK. My face is as pale as..as....WHITE. eeks.
It is quite amusing however, for people to ask if I'm Eurasian.
Do I look so....not Asian?
Hmm.
Interesting.
I'm blabbering again, aren't i?
I'll shut up now.
hehehehe. I can't wait.
Until our evil plan succeeds.
Muahahahahahaha.
=DDD (you still need to give me the list so i can make up the stuff.)

2007-06-07T22:05:00.001+08:00

hahaha. i came across this REALLY old xanga of mine.
It was the horrid half year phase.
Remember that air?
with eug, eddie, and justin.
sally and alex. XD
Oh goodness, was THAT a rough patch.
It might seem a little immature.
Okay, well, it's horribly immature.
I shall post a horrid one (without all the horrid slang and IMs. =D)
And you shall see what a drama queen I was
I shall state some things about myself first.

1. I guess i was really a bitch back then. And a very ignorant one at that
2. I had a hugely inflated ego. And i'm really really embarassed. I sound so high and mighty.
3. Remember, I was...uhh. 11. yeah. hahahah. It was the time where you transitioned from cooties to crushes, okay? That's why the post below is all so...yeah. you get my meaning.
4. I really let down the Lord then. I'm sorry for it, truly.
5. Hahaha. But you gotta admit. I was KINDA smart too back then. RIGHT???
hehehehe

=================================================
*sigh* I now know many backstabbers are there right in my face....everyday, when i go to school, i wonder who's TRULY my friend, and who is pretending.....i thought changing schools would make a difference, but it just made my life WORSE. Back in my old school, at least there weren't any backstabbers........I knew what it was like to be happy, and free to be who i liked. Now, i don't even KNOW the meaning of happiness.... Have any of you wake up each day and think, maybe, just maybe, you could get through the day without feeling that every person you see hates you so much, that they'd be better of without u in their life? I'm so sick of people calling me a bitch, and having to go through each day feeling so terrible about myself......people probably don't care if i go missing, or get into some freaking accident.......i wonder how many people how much I care for them, and that i would gladly do anything to see them happy?? Do memories really last forever? pictures may fade, but u can still grasp them, and remember those times when u were so young and innocent, and that nothing could ever hurt, because you never knew what it would be like years later. Lots of people would like to be you, because they think you are so smart, you are good at most things, the teachers all like you, and so do some guys........(Or so people think)......but they've never known the burdens you have to carry, what kind of people you meet, how SOME of them think of you................Have you wondered why you were born you? Why couldn't u have been a flower, a tree? A bird or a bee? A dog, a cat, a rat, a horse? How about someone else? But not you?? Why were you born like that? Why does the world despise u so much?? Why did God give u these traits......did he mean for people to hate you?? Did he mean for you to pretend?? Did he make you so that you had to cover up to make people LIKE you?? I try to be myself everyday......if I’m acting bitching or something, it’s because i feel MISERABLE....i might act all hyper and stuff.....that's because I’m trying to get rid of all the sadness inside me...........i like to laugh when i get the chance, because the minute I’m not having lessons, i feel so grumpy and frustrated...and angry at myself......they say if you think the world has turned it’s back on you, you most likely turned your back at the world..........the world usually despises me, though i try to be who i really am........am i that horrible? Am i really such a bitch? i even try my best to be nice to the people I really hate….Am I truly who you make me out to be?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I really don't want to hurt anyone anymore, especially when things are so called "all right" now in my life...........I wish you would just let me be who i am, don't judge every single thing i do.........i want to live my life to the fullest, it’s too short to waste it......Be happy when u can, and treasure those memories that are dear to you........because you never know what might happen tomorrow, or the next........whether you would live only till the next day, or for another 78 years, you need to believe in yourself.........The sky is never too high when you reach for it...........Test your limits, and you'll soar..............don't let others get you down, just because they're being horrible themselves, anyone who puts someone else who's horrible down is just as bad ........I love most of you out there and hope that all of you will do what you want now, instead of waiting until tomorrow....once the chance is gone, it never comes back.
=================================================

Drama queen!
See, I told you so.
Heheheheh.
I know how it all feels.
I went through this phase before.
Perhaps a lot earlier than i should have.
But, i guess, it made me a better person.
And a better friend for it.
I admit, I'm not the world greatest friend.
But you know, I promise to try and not show anyone dislike.
I know how it's like to be isolated, lonely, and just plain pathetic.
So trust me.
I'm not the best friend in the world.
Given, I may not be a very good friend after all.
But I'm a true one.
=D see, i'm still so egotistical.
hahaha.
But yes.
I will stand by you.
I'll stand by you.
=)

2007-05-28T16:53:00.001+08:00

I've decided to be an avid blogger today.
TWO posts. WOW. XD
hahaha.
I've decided, that if you really want me to direct the national day skit, I will.
Somehow, I've always wanted to.
Yeah, this might seem a little, egotistic.
Maybe I'll go into directing.
hehe. I've discovered I have a huge interest in the entertainment business.
Who knows?
I guess somewhere, inside, i really did love directing the play.
It was hard work, yes.
But it was.....good.
It was awesome.
And, to hear the applause.
Yes yes, i sound WAYY too proud.
But, to hell with that.
*sigh* what on earth i am thinking?
I sound so....bossy.
eugh.
Okay. But seriously, I will.
SO. we have to start PLANNING.
we have three months. I refuse to rush things again.
Even if I don't direct, we still have to get started.
lahdeedahdah.
This is SUCH a lame post.
It was supposed to make you smile.
But it's all true.

2007-05-28T16:38:00.001+08:00

I think jia ming is right.
Your body is wayy too smart.
The holidays have started, and i'm SICK already.
It's as if my whole immune system has broken down.
Anyways, you wouldn't want to hear about the times i've thrown up.
heheheh.
------------------------------------------

My posts are about trival things now.
I wonder if it's a good thing.
I'm not exactly emo.
I've never really...been.
Is it a good thing to be so cheerful all the time?
I know the Lord made me this way.
And it's okay. Right?
It's okay because you know you can count on me for a smile.
It's okay because you know that I'll be here.
I think that's what the Lord sent me back to Singapore for.
I think that's why He sent me to Raffles.
Perhaps you think this is farfetched.
I don't know, perhaps it is.
But I can't help you if you are all porcupines.
Prickly, spiny, hurtful.
I love y'all, but it's going to be a long journey.
Are you ready to do it?

--------------------------------------------------
Ariena Yun-En Chi.
I refuse to post my perfect guy for the world to see.
XD. You know how guys get.
Remember?
Hahahah. Those were the good days, hmmm?
You're fine, I'm fine.
The memories have such deep imprints.
I tried to forget.
And, I realised it was okay if I didn't.
It's good to remember.
It's good to look back, and smile.
Smile at the innocence.
Smile at the childish tantrums.
Smile at the way we thought that life was just about school.
I can't remember how we first met.
Can you?
Does it really matter anymore?
Does it really matter if we ever see each other again?
Does it?
It doesn't.
Because, we're sisters. Always and forever. Through Christ, and through our hearts.
Praise the Lord.
Amen.

2007-05-24T21:46:00.001+08:00

I feel helpless.
I really do.
It's so...frustrating when you see people suffering
AND YOU CAN'T DO A SINGLE DAMN THING.
This isn't a depressing post.
It's something to try and make you understand.
I know I can be stubborn at times.
And for that, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for this afternoon.
I was being horribly bitchy.
I'm just so....tired.
Tired of everything.
Why do we have to use the word hate?
Don't you know that everytime someone says, "I'm okay",
And gives that lopsided smile,
That they aren't?
We just want SO MUCH to believe you are.
I believe someday you will.
That's why God is here.
That's why I'm here.
That's why family and friends exist.
We are HERE.
If you can't trust us, who else can you really trust?
I can tell you for a fact.
There aren't many people in this world that are like us anymore.
To tell you the truth, you shouldn't even trust me so much either.
I swear, for a fact, that i would never intentionally hurt anyone.
INTENTIONALLY.
So let me say this again.
SPIT. IT. OUT.
Whatever you've gone through, can't be any worse than what I'm going through.
Life, death, pain, happiness, sorrow.
Sure, this seems pretty desperate.
But i can't care less.
I can't help it if you don't listen.
All i can do is to persuade you to.

2007-05-20T22:13:00.001+08:00

Oh goodness.
I have officially, CRASHED
Thank goodness the holidays are next week.
Or else i don't think i'd be able to last.
It's so overwhelming really.
I wonder if i'd be able to last.
I wouldn't be surprised if i didn't.
I haven't done any work.
The quiz is tomorrow.
So it my doctor's appointment (WHICH hasn't been made yet)
I've slept for so long.
And i still feel so damn tired.
I must learn to manage my time better.
Not procrastinate.
I can't believe it hurts so much.
I've tried nearly everything.
Maybe i shouldn't have gone to school on friday.
Gosh, it isn't as if i want to suffer.
I am so DEAD.
It really hurts.
=)

2007-05-18T20:48:00.001+08:00

Well done guys!
It was seriously good.
Truly.
Really.
All of you, put your best.
You have no idea how proud i am of you.
=D We'll do better.
We still have drama night!
Right?
yes yes.
THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS!

----------------------------------------------------

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for yelling.
I'm sorry for being so horrible.
I'm sorry for being so bloody irritating.
I'm sorry for rushing everything.
I know i could have done better.
I always do.
I don't know why i never put in my best.
I don't remember a time when i ever had.
I'm sorry for not being stronger.
I'm sorry for not understanding.
I'm sorry for letting you down.
And don't say you aren't.
I saw the looks.
I saw them with my very own eyes.
I know you were.
And i'm sorry.
Truly.

2007-05-16T20:19:00.001+08:00

book day auditions are finally OVER
THANK YOU 205!
it was AWESOME!
hehe. seriously. wonderful performance.
i'm so PROUD. wheee.
just cross our fingers, eh?
if not, we shall try again during drama night!
(yes, i DO know about drama night)
thanks for being so understanding.
i feel so bad.
sorry for shouting at you.
sorry for ordering all of you around.
but yes, i have to do that to get things dones.
hah. so now, i can go and SLEEP.
SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP.
gosh, i'm so lazy!
i haven't done any homework.
ahhhh.
iz is finally going NUTS.

yay!

2007-05-14T22:51:00.001+08:00

哈哈。这是我刚刚找到的。是我中一时写的演讲。看呀，我的中文太差了。我要多多训练，多多读，付出努力。啊，不继续说了。读读下面的短篇吧！

生命的化妆

中国有这样一句歇后语，不知大家听说过没有? “老黄瓜刷绿漆—装嫩。“什么意思呢？就是老黄瓜觉得自己太老了，皮肤难看，怎么办呢？它决定在自己的身上刷上绿漆，美美容。这句歇后语让我想起台湾作家林清玄写过的一句话：改变表相最好的方法，不是在表相上下功夫，一定要从内在里改革。

现在有那么多美容院，可是，我觉得能懂得这句话的美容师不多。为什么呢？因为他们的美容，仅仅是往老黄瓜上刷绿漆而已，所以我们在看到一个浓妆艳抹的女人时，并不觉得她年轻、美丽。真正的美容师会知道化妆的最高境界是自然。他们知道怎样自然的表现一个人的个性气质，把人突显出来，引起众人的注意。他还知道化妆只是最末的一个枝节，它能改变的事实很少。因为精神充足、身体健康才能使皮肤美丽。如果一个人不思考，对生活悲观，对生命没有信心，心地不善良，也就是说，他没有从内心里改革，即使化了装也不美丽。一流的化妆应该是生命的化妆。只要你的生命美丽，即使你不化妆，你也是世界上最美丽的人。

没想到，化妆的最高境界就是生命的化妆。

希望大家都能为自己的生命化妆。一定要开心一点哦！

mm. i managed to write a blogpost in chinese. wheee. =D

2007-05-13T19:01:00.001+08:00

How Would it Be?

What have I done?
What if it's too late now?
Did I do all I could, did I?
Did I make it good, did I?

Somehow it doesn't feel right
Is it really all over?
Did I think it through, did I?
What if all I want is you?

And now
I won't see you again
The moment was there but we lost it
Time changed it all
And we let it
We let it happen

And now
I wonder how it would be
If things stayed the same and we liked it
The end of a search 'cos we found it
How would it be?
How would it be?
How would it be?
How would it be?

What have we done?
What if it's too late now?
Was it always like this, was it?
Was it something we missed, was it?

Somehow it doesn't feel right
Is it really all over?
Was it all it could be, was it?
Did I give you the best of me?

And now
I won't see you again
The moment was there but we lost it
Time changed it all
And we let it
We let it happen

And now
I wonder how it would be
If things stayed the same and we liked it
The end of a search 'cos we found it
How would it be?
How would it be?
How would it be?
How would it be?

And now
I won't see you again
The moment was there but we lost it
Time changed it all
And we let it
We let it happen

And now
I wonder how it would be
If things stayed the same and we liked it
The end of a search 'cos we found it

How would it be?
How would it be?
How would it be?
How would it be?

-------------------------------------------------------------
What if everything went back to the way it was?
I'm so afraid.
I'm still mending.
But I know i'll be okay.
Soon.

2007-05-06T13:55:00.001+08:00

I stole it off air who stole it off sumo. I realised i like to steal quizzes. hmm.

1. Name out once of each friends with names starting with A to Z.

[a]riena!
[b]enjamin! (psst air, i'm being nice here. XD)
[c]hristopher!
[d]avid! (biss)
[e]ugene!
[f]iqah! [add an 'a' in front and you've got her actual name]
[g]atot!
[h]o jong!
[i]ivalyn!
[j]ules!
[k]im! (shanghaiiii)
[l]ei!
[m]ing! (add a jiaa in front)
[n]atasha! [suzhou]
[o]ngama!
[p]eisu!
[q]-i'm just gonna cheat and say qingmingking even though its not the right spelling (and i shall copy air! eheee.)
[r]ebecca! [beijing. hmm, the rebeccas i know are like, tres smart. )
[s]uyin!
[t]eri!
[u]mmuchoo(mrs) XP hey, i really couldn't think of anyone else, and mrs choo is pretty nice.
[v]alerie!
[w]an ting!
[x]iang! (yes alice, this is you. ahahah)
[y]idan!
[z]r! (i didn't change, i couldn't think of anyone else. *hmph*)
2. How many siblings A has? Name them. [ariena] one older sister. ANGELA whee. hi angie.
3. What does B SMS you about? [benjamin] doesnt sms me because he's in beijing and i'm here.
4. What is C's nickname? [chris] hmmm. STIFF GUY. yes yes. remember the dancing air?
5. How did you get to know D? [david] School. I guess it's pretty self-explanatory.
6. How despo is E? [eugene]-rolls eyes- eug? ahahaha. i think if you knew him you can pretty much work it out for yourself.
7. How much older/younger is F than you? [afiqah] hmm. 6 monhs older
8. Name 3 of G's best friends. [gatot] i dunno. wan ting and her bowling buddies?
9. Does H knows I? [ho jong and ivalyn] nahh. though iva, he IS a basketballer. i could do the uhmm. introductions. XPPP. [ho jong's wayy too shy for that sort of thing. heee]
10. What happens if J suddenly turns into your enemy? [jules] eeks. jules WAS once sort of....but that really sucked. i think we'd done something pretty big to make us enemies.
11. Under what condition will K & L gets married? [kim and justin] ooo. haha. this WAS a possibility...remember the days air? i think it was during the crush days. =ppp
12. How many people do you know with M's name? [jia ming] ONE. feel special jiaa. =DD
13. Do you enjoy talking on the phone with N? [natasha] haha. she's the closest thing to a sister that has the same blood as me...i think she like to discuss my nonexistent love life.. but all in all yes. 'course i do. What kind of cousin i'd be if i didn't?
14. Do you think O knows P? [ongama and peisu] nahhh. they don't.
15. How geeky is Q? [eddie]nahhh. eddie is such a ....softie. heee. dorky yes, but geeky? rarely...
16. Is R very popular? [rebecca] hmmmm. i'd say, pretty much. hees. she'll never read this.
18. Is T a very random person? [teri] teri....hmm. it depends. she can scare you though...haha. air's the random one.
19. How are U & V related? [mrs choo & valerie] no relation whatsoever, except they both know me. wheee.
20. Do you take W as anything else other than a friend? [wan ting] o.O why do these things like to assume i swing the opposite way? noooo. 'course not, so there's nothing to be frightened of TINGG.
21. When is the last time u met up with X? [alice]thursday....22nd of December. mann alice, that's so long ago!
22. Are Y & Z enemies? [yidan and zr] uhh. unless they aren't telling us something.....no no no no. Quite hard to imagine them as enemies.
23. Of A to Z, which one do u love the most and will give <3s? IZ LOVES ALL OF YOU. [at least, she THINKS she does]
24. Will you betray any of them? noooooo. i'm not THAT terrible. =)
25. Have u loved and confessed to any one in A to Z? -taps nose- that's for me to know, and you to find out. except air and a few others know already.
26. Have you tagged A to Z informing them that they have to take this quiz too? nope nope. although you who have blogs can take it!

haha. iz admits it. she did try to look at her yearbooks to get names. XD i realised how...different i looked three years ago. heees.

2007-05-04T16:43:00.001+08:00

I so stole this off wan ting. hahaha. i was too lazy to do it just now, so i shall do it.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 4.00am. I got up to STUDY HISTORY, okay?
2. Diamonds or Pearls? diamonds. BIGG diamonds. pearls are so...laterish.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The messengers. It was freaky, but any horror movie is freaky to me. XD
.4. What is your favorite TV show? AMERICAN IDOL. yes yes. and FRIENDS. and the OC. although i haven't watched the latter two in AGES.
5. What did you have for breakfast? roti prata. i couldn't find anything else to eat. really.
6. What is your middle name? nope. no middle name. no no no. although i wouldn't mind one. like danny!
7. What is your favourite cuisine? Japanese, Italian...Spicy. Spicy Spicy Spicy. (so opposite of wanting.)
8. What foods do you dislike?
9. Your favorite potato chip: anything that is yummy. i'm practically a junk food machine( i can't believe wan ting so hates chips. >.<) 10. What is your favorite CD at the moment: hmm. can't choose...... 11. What kind of car do you drive? i dont drive, but if i did, i'd do a beatle or a porche. hahha jefferson. PORCHE. 12. Favourite sandwich? toooonah. (that's tuna btw.) and mashed egg. egg and mayo. 13. What characteristics do you despise? hypocrisy 14. Favourite item(s) of clothing? outfitter skirt, my HATS and jackets. yes yes. 15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? hawaii 16. What color is your bathroom? sort of a nude, cream colour. 17. Favorite brand of clothing? topshop, giordano,nike, decathlon 18. Where would you want to retire to? hmm. i wouldn't retire. i'd travel forever and ever. 19. Favorite time of day? hmmm. nothing in particular The question has mysteriously disappeared!( pfft, just change the number!) 21. Favorite Sports to watch? basketball. yes yes. && volleyball. && ice-skating.ahaaaaaaaaa 24. What laundry detergent do you use? uhm, who actually checks? 25. Coke or Pepsi?I'd prefer Pepsi, but i despise soft drinks in general. I hate the GAS. 26. Are you a morning person or night owl? both. yes yes. 27. What size shoe do you wear? hmm 39> eeks
28. Favourite animal: mah doggy. You know, the one from HAMLEYS!
29. Any news you'd like to share with everyone? IZ IS FEELING HYPERRRR. oh wait, i always am. ah, so not news. okay, i just cooked an EXTREMELY unhealthy meal of CHAR KWAY TIAO. yes yes
30. What did you want to be when you were little? haha. i have no idea, actually
31. Favorite candy bar? Kitkat. sooo KITKAT.
32. What are your favourite childhood memories? going on holiday! wheee. they were so cute.
34. What color underwear are you wearing? o.O does it like, expect me to be wearing like, white knickers of something? black
35. Nicknames: Iz, izzy, belle. eeks. i do not like being called by the latter two, unless you know you can get away with it.
36. Piercing? both ears, and getting two more holes (some where, wayy into the future)
37.Eye color? they change colour. seriously. from a light brown to chocolate, to like nearly black.
38. Ever been to Africa? NOO. i want to go. like, YEAH
39. Ever been toilet papering?mann. i should have suggested doing this on my last day. alicceee would have gone NUTS!
40. Ever loved someone so much it made you cry? yes. a hundred times yes
41. Ever been in a car accident?nope. zip nada, none. thank the Lord for that!
.More questions have disappeared! (pffft)
49 What color is your bedroom carpet? no carpet, one tiny little blue mat, and wood floor
53. What do you do most often when you are bored?read. run. computer. eat. play music. complain..
54. Bedtime? 10.30 to 1:30, sometimes even 2.30
55. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? let's see...everyone who's on my links. YEAH.
56. Last person you went to dinner with? whoa...uhm. uhm. i have no idea?!?!
57. What are you listening to right now? It's the end of the road, Matt Goss
59. What is your favorite color(s)? let's see...i love colours. except puke, and pink. =P
60. Lake, Ocean or River? ocean. so ocean.
61. How many tattoos do you have? zip. although i do want a teeny tiny one on my back. XD
62. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? hmm. very good question. BOTH!
65. If you had one wish to make? the chance to gurantee everyone's happiness.
66. Time you finished this questionnaire?8.02pm

2007-05-04T14:20:00.001+08:00

Just got home
I'm being a good little girl, coming home to study
Not like SOME people.
*cough cough*
So free..
Things are stable.
We'll make it though.
I feel so....light
I shall look up.
I'm eternally grateful to you.

-----------------------------------------------------
Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside
You will never measure up, to those people you
Must be strong, can't show them that you're weak
Have you ever told someone something
That's far from the truth
Let them know that you're okay
Just to make them stop
All the wondering, and questions they may have

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Have you ever seen your face,
In a mirror there's a smile
But inside you're just a mess,
You feel far from good
Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand
Have you ever had this wish, of being
Somewhere else
To let go of your disguise, all your worries too
And from that moment, then you see things clear

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Are you waiting for that day when your pain will disappear?
When you know that it's not true what they say about you?
Couldn't care less 'bout the things surrounding you
Ignoring all the voices from my wall

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time
To figure things out
Not telling liesI'll be honest with you
Still we don't know
What's yet to come

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time
To figure things out
Not telling lies
I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know
What's yet to come
Still we don't know
What's yet to come

2007-05-03T21:56:00.002+08:00

Thanks. For everything. For always being what i needed.
Reach for the skies, reach for your dreams.
You'll make it. We'll make it.
We'll make it through rain and shine, thick and thing.
Thanks.

2007-05-03T20:03:00.001+08:00

hah. came back about two hours ago.
From where? From mugging in school. (hah, aren't you proud you got me to use the word MUGGING? i still think it sounds rather like going on a killing/robbing spree, don't you?)
Mugging with jiaa.
We actually DID get a lot done.
heee. Just hope i actually remember things.
Somehow, tommorow just doesn't seem so important.
It's so...misty
I promise i won't freak out tommorow.
I won't
It's worth 20%.
ahhh. so what?
So what when there are more important things to worry about?
I know i've done my best to prepare.
Or was it REALLY my best?
I've decided to take history next year.
Unless geog manages to sway me.
But yes.
I am getting a treadmill.
Soon.
To burn everything off.
Not to follow iva or anything...
But when i used to go to the gym, the treadmill was the best.
It was such childish joy.
------------------------------------
I'm learning.
I'm learning to move on.
I thank the Lord for giving me such an opportunity.
I didn't deserve it.
It was so scary to think what i had risked.
And now, it's even MORE scary to think what would have happened if i didn't take this road.
Would I ever meet any of you?
Would I ever have gotten into Raffles?
Would I ever be the person I am now?
Unknowingly, you have all played a part in my future.
What i am, what i will, and what i could be, depends on you too.
And so, I thank you.
I thank you for moulding me into the person that i am.
And the person that i will be.
Praise the Lord for blessing me with all the wonderful things that i know and have.
Praise the Lord for all things good.
Praise the Lord for giving me such wonderful friends.
Praise the Lord

2007-05-01T17:40:00.001+08:00

hah. okay. this is so stupid, i don't even know why i'm doing this. oh right, it's for you clueless peeps out there. =P heee. anyways, this post is for YOU AIR, because i have to clear things up. You're famous in my class already, so you gotta come. yes yes.

AIR is staying in Beijing. Right?
IZABEL is staying in Singapore. YES.

AIR IS COMING TO RGS AND COMING TO VISIT IZABEL. AND ALL HER OTHER RAFFLESIAN FRIENDS.

AIR has been to RAFFLES last year for immersion. TWO MONTHS. And that's how she met OTHER RAFFLESIANS like YIDAN, YIMIN, uhhh. CHINKIE. ZR. AHMED. SUMO. PEISU. yes yes.

IZABEL only came to raffles for the FIRST time in JANUARY. And that's how she met ALL OF 205(whom most thought i was a snotty little brat)

SO THERFORE, ARIENA CHI is the FOREIGNER. And I AM the...CITIZEN ( although she's a P.R but yeah.)

THE SCHOOL YEAR IN BEIJING finishes in JUNE. I think it's the 26th, if i'm not mistaken...

So yes, she is coming after the school year finishes.

wheeee. 59 days babe. =D

I'm hyper for once. In my posts i mean..

2007-04-28T14:06:00.002+08:00

hah. I found a copper coloured strand of hair on my head.
Weird. It was only one strand.
Must have been bleached...by SOMETHING.
Yes.
This has absolutely no point.
Bleh.

---------------------------------
What is WRONG with you?
Yeah. I poked him.
I poked my idiotice brother.
Why? He wouldn't listen to me.
He was playing too fast.
I was annoyed.
He always does that.
So what?
You don't have to give me a bloody lecture
"You know, doing this shows that you lack fundamental respect for the person."
Yeah. I don't respect my brother.
So?
So what?
He doesn't deserve it.
Stupid boy.
Makes a fuss about every damn thing.
I try so damn hard to make life better.
Happier.
It's always short-lived
i wonder when i'll ever truly be happy.

i'm the walking dead

2007-04-22T18:19:00.001+08:00

I finally know why I love music so damn much.
With music, I'm able to create something.
Something beautiful
Something raw, and full of emotion.
To be able to compose, and play.
Beethoven, Chopin, Bach, Mozart, Debussy,Ravel.
Pop, Rock, Country, Ballads.
Anything and everything.
I know i'm not good at it.
And though i've been playing since I was...3?
I'll never be good enough.
But it really doesn't matter.
As much as i'd like to be a prodigy, it isn't possible.
I'll never give this up.
This is half of my soul.
Or at least, half of the remaining part.
Thank you, for giving me the chance.
I can't imagine life without this.
I won't purse a career in music.
I won't say that it is my life.
But I'll say i love it.
Enough to never let go.

i'm the walking dead

2007-04-22T07:48:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I wasn't good.
I wasn't what you wanted me to be.
I've tried
Again, and again.
I guess the saying a leopard can never change its spots is true.
I'm confused.
I don't know what i'm doing.
What am i living for?
Seriously.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that i couldn't be there for you.
I'm sorry that i what i do isn't enough.
I'm sorry that i'm not able to comfort, to listen.
I'm sorry for being annoying.
I'm sorry for thinking terribly.
I'm sorry for not doing anything right.
It's been so long since i thought about the days that have passed.
Days that were cherished.
Days i enjoyed.
Days that I could do what i really loved.
It was so hard to give up.
To give up everything i knew.
I still can't let go.
It's not fair.
It's not fair to those around me.
To those whom I love.
Thank you, for making my life brighter.
Thank you, for teaching me.
Thank you, for helping me to make Singapore my home.
I'm still holding on too tightly.

I just hope i'll be able to let go.

2007-04-15T19:41:00.000+08:00

Just another typical day.
Just another silence.
The tension is too thick, even using a diamond knife would be useless.
Water is thicker than blood
I feel discouraged.
I'm so going to fail tommorow.
My throat hurts when i swallow.
It hurts when i breathe.
It's not figurative.
It's literally true.
I have a pounding headache.
I can't do anything.
I hate this.
I hate how things always turn out.
It's so f*****g unfair

I'm the walking dead

2007-04-14T11:51:00.000+08:00

Wheeeee.
I feel a sense of accomplishment.
I ran 5 rounds in 12.54 mins.
Plus an extra warm-up round of 1.38.
haha. so that makes....14.32 mins.
WHEEE.
I don't feel like i am going to fail anymore.
Running does feel really good.
Once you start, you can't stop.
And then you just forget everything.
And just run
I think i'm feeling more at ease.
Even though Book Day is like, the MOST terrible thing on earth.
I swear, i will NEVER do it again.
EVER.
:)
I have just calculated.
On average, I need a C for every item except for 2.
Or, a B for every item.
Or, a C for every item, a B for one, and an A for one.
hee. I am going to try.
I think i'm like, the most unfit i have ever been in my ENTIRE life.
grrrr. I can't even touch my toes.
I'm blogging about such random things.
I must be content.
hah.
It's been a week since i last posted.
Cross your fingers for Monday.
Semis.
All the best.
We'll be praying for you!

i'm the walking dead

2007-04-08T22:26:00.000+08:00

went to church.
I just realised how much i've drifted from God.
It's sad really.
To see how much someone sacrificed for us.
Seeing is believing.
To see, you must believe.
I see.
I see light in the darkness.
I know that there's always someone beside me.
But sometimes, you just forget.
I promise, i'll be a better person.
I promise, I'll be nice.
I promise, i won't make any more empty promises.
I'm not saying that I'm happy.
Nor i am sad.
But finally, i am at peace.
For the first time in so very long.
Maybe someday, i'll find true happiness.
I'll be waiting.

-------------------------------------------

When the music fades,
All is stripped away, and I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring you more than a song
For a song in itself is not what you have required.
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear;
You're looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about you
All about you Jesus.
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about you,
All about you Jesus.

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much you deserve.
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is yours, every single breath.

I'll bring you more than a song
For a song in itself is not what you have required.
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear;
You're looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about you
All about you Jesus.
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about you,
All about you Jesus

i'm coming back to the heart of worship

2007-04-07T10:51:00.000+08:00

I never realised how good running could be.
Until now, I've never realised how much i loved it.
It makes you forget everything.
And you just run.
Run for freedom.
Run for your sake.
I miss the court so much.
Running up and down.
It gives you something to aim for.
Something you know you really want.
To just give it your all
And win.
I realised the only game and gave my most was the championship one.
Even then, I don't think it was my best.
All these years of playing.
I didn't give my best.
I never did.
And it's too late.
I miss the feel.
The adrenalin pumping through your blood and veins.
Running is something that can make you forget.
Forget everything.
I didn't give my best.

and that's why i wasn't good enough.

2007-04-06T16:40:00.000+08:00

hah.
I'm a genius.
I figured out how to dump music onto my blog.
The song's pretty cliche.
i know.
But, i like it.
The music video is very cute.
Okay, not cute.
Sad.
But yet, everything turns out right in the end.
i'm trying to play it on the piano by ear.
Or i'll just go look for the score.
hmm.
I feel less tired.
I slept 10 hours last night.
I'll probably try and sleep another 20 hours this weekend.
Yes.
Or i think, i'll faint.
ha.
Today has been boring.
Training tmr.
*sigh*

--------------------------------

说好的三年不见面
用我们的爱把时间留住
你笑着说这是我们的考验
我们的约定

说这样三年有过了
我还是回到这个地方
闭上眼等你的出现
空气中吻你的脸

我还记得我们的约定
一辈子幸福的约定
为你写的那首歌
它也偷偷的掉泪了

我还记得我们的约定
我比以前还更爱你了
连那风都笑我了
我想它会告诉你的
我更爱你了

说这样三年有过了
我还是回到这个地方
闭上眼等你的出现
空气中吻你的脸

我还记得我们的约定
一辈子幸福的约定
为你写的那首歌
它也偷偷的掉泪了

我还记得我们的约定
我比以前还更爱你了
连那风都笑我了
我想它会告诉你的

你会记得我们的约定
一辈子幸福的约定
为你写的那首歌
它也偷偷的掉泪了

你会记得我们的约定
我比以前还更爱你了
迎着风我也笑了
它一定会告诉你的
我更爱你了

你真的还记得我们的约定？

2007-04-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

This is my only refuge.
This is where my soul is kept.
Where everything lies.
No matter what.
i cannot lose this.
i bleed.
until i'm dry.
No tears.
No blood.
No emotions.
Everything, gone
I'm not trying to make you feel sympathetic.
Or anything.
But it's all i have left.
A shell.
Full of nothing.
Full of lies.
Empty promises.
That's the kind of person i truly am.
That's who i never wished to be.
And everything, that i've tried.
turns me into a monster instead.
nothing works anymore.
you could shoot me through the head and i'd still be alive.
Nothing is felt.
Nothing is true.
Nothing matters.

not anymore

2007-04-03T23:14:00.000+08:00

Another lecture.
Another complain.
Just another typical day.
I've finally had the guts to reveal my chinese paper.
This is what i get.
I don't regret meeting any of you.
Jiaa,Iva, Shiyun, Nat, Kaiying, Fiq, the rest.
I don't. I think it's thanks to you all that my days aren't too hard to live through.
But somehow.
I wonder what will happen.
I just realise how heavy a burden it is.
Holding up the Rafflesian name.
When i was still looking for a school.
I thought, perhaps, if i got in, they'd be proud.
For once. And i won't be such a disasppointment.
Especially him. My dad.
his alma mater.
All i am is truly a disappointment.
Don't say anything.
Jiahe, Danny, Jiaa, Iva. Air. and whoever else that tags.
don't you DARE say anything.
Because it is true.
I wonder why i am even posting this.
Sometimes, i wonder why i broadcast my feelings to everyone.
Perhaps i shouldn't.
I've been keeping them in for so long.
so so long.
i've learnt that, in order to survive.
You've got to keep your mouth shut.
Keep it all in.
Even if it means destroying yourself.
And turning into a hollow, decaying spirit.
Because you'll save the trouble.
Save everyone.
Perhaps even save them from the same fate.
I cry myself to sleep.
But what for?
For petty little things.
I should shed tears for things that matter.
Yet, i'm so selfish.
Don't be like me.
Don't ever be like me.

i'm the walking dead.

2007-04-03T06:23:00.000+08:00

I'm sunburnt
Thanks.
Thanks to Sports Fest.
haha. i wasn't even at my own house half the time.
I was helping out, and then running to tarbet and waddle.
:P
So naughty.
Not much to talk about.
Except that Zhang Wei was so wonderfully nice.
She accompanied me to go get the book.
So yes.
She is actually so silly. ahahha.
right.

--------------

i just realised that crazy people make the most wonderful friends.
And this means i have lots of them.
lots.
So i thank you.
All of you.
For being crazy in you own little way.
Because it just means so much to me.
Really.

a true friend is a gift from God.

God Bless

2007-04-01T09:46:00.000+08:00

You don't know me.
I think you never will.
I'm not sure if it's too late.
I'd rather you not care.
I'd rather if you loved who i am.
And not who i could be.
Because, i will never be that person.
Not her. Me.
Stop comparing.
Stop repeating.
Stop everything.
I'd rather you stop, and not love me.
Than love me at all.
Raffles, Raffles, Raffles
"It's not okay being mediocre in an elite school"
elite elite elite
If i'd known, i wouldn't have even APPLIED
If it meant sacrificing more of my happiness, i wouldn't have bothered.
I'm never good enough.
Never
In all the conversations, the topic is always "I"
I've always done this
I've always done that
I've never asked for so much
And yet you always disappoint me.
Yeah. I'm a disappointment.
Get over it.
You're suffocating me with everything.
First the move, then adjusting, and now this?
Time and time again.
I suppose it's my fault, as always.
I've never blamed you.
Not outright.
Because you'll never understand.
Never understand the way i feel, the way i think.
You've always noticed whatever i've done wrong.
Never things that i've done right.
Even if you have, it never lasts for long.
And you're so hypocritical.

But after all of this, i still love you.
And i wonder why.
Maybe it's unexplainable.
Or it's just my character.
I've changed so much.
My heart has turned to stone.
It'll take so much for me to live.
again.

happy miserable april fools.

fools indeed.

2007-03-29T20:04:00.000+08:00

I failed.
I failed in something at school.
For the very first time.
I have never failed anything before.
Now i see what you mean jiaa.
It's suffocating.
It's quite unbelievable really.
Although, i did expect it.
In anything, i never imagined.
I nearly cried.
But then, i realised it wasn't something worth crying for.
Sure, my parents will kill me.
So?
I'm already part of the underworld.
I'm numb.
It's as if i'm not really in my body. I'm still me, but part of it isn't on this planet.
So still.
We have to re-take the literature test.
Thanks a lot.
Thank you to those who leaked it out.
How could you ever be so inconsiderate?
Off the point.
I sometimes think my parents raised too strong a girl.
I don't....feel things.
I don't feel sorry.
All i know is that i have to pick myself up.
Because no one will ever do it for me.
Fate is so cruel.
People say we control our fate.
But fate is too big for us to handle.
It's in God's hands.
I trust you, Lord.
But, sometimes, just sometimes, it's so hard to believe.
So hard to make it.
My father said once I didn't deserve the raffles badge.
Maybe he's right.
Maybe i'm just not good enough.
I've never been so afraid of the future before.
Never.
I've never worried so much, about how i am going to live tommorow.
I can't do this anymore. I can't have schoolwork suffocate me.
I don't know how you people do it.
CCA, schoolwork, tution, third lang.
You really are amazing.
All of you.
I just can't seem to, catch up.
I thought i'd do my dad proud, by getting in.
It was short-lived. Now, i think he's just disappointed.
Disappointed that i've tarnished the name in his eyes.
I'll never be good enough.
But that doesn't mean i'll stop trying.

I'm the walking dead.

2007-03-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

Hmm. ACP is absolutely draining my energy.
We had basketball in the morning.
And then SL in the afternoon.
Hahah, the little kids were adorable though.
And they recognised me! wheeeeee
ANd then i rushed back to school.
To find that the AMAZING five finished all quiche cases.
They are GOOD.
So, i stayed back to listen to mrs goh's lecture.
Yahdeedahdah.
And then, rushed off to NTUC in claire's car.
She's nice to give me a lift. Well, her dad was nice too.
Here's the good part.
I went to the baking store, found that they didn't sell cup covers, but SKP did, so i had to rush up the slope to the library to go there, as it closed at 6:30.
I think the plates and cups were around 1kg?
Right, so i went back to NTUC.
Bought the chocolate, boxes, butter.
Another 3.5kg.
Doesn't seem too much, but i WAS carrying my school bag, hello?
I felt so dorky. People were like staring.
I got on the bus and went home
Guess what i saw in my porch?
MY DAD'S CAR!
He was EARLIER THAN ME.
he could've have saved me the TORTURE.
But it was good for me. It felt rather nice actually. Now i see what you mean zr. XD
Found out my mum had to go to NTUC.
So i went again, to get the glace cherries.
They cost 10 bucks. 10 BUCKS! That's like, two times as much as the chocolate. -.-
i am so annoyed.
i think i spent 70bucks at least for ACP.
gahh.
i feel so guilty.
i'm currently sticking my reciepts on one sheet of paper.
i need sleep.
Did you know my mum asked why i had eyebags?
I rolled my eyes and her and said it was a trend.
She just went, WHATEVER!
weird. o,O
but anyways, nighttt.

i'm the walking dead.

2007-03-25T17:20:00.000+08:00

muahahahaha. I have something all of you don't.

BEN AND JERRY'S CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH ICE-CREAM

HAH!

:) Of course, it cost 11.50 bucks, but it is worth every drop.

ANYONE WHO STEALS MY ICE-CREAM IS DEAD.

MY PROPERTY

yesh. too bad baskin robbins doesn't do packaging. I ADORE their rainbow sherbet too.

i went to the esplanade again. AND paid 21 bucks for a library premium membership to borrow music scores. YOU PEOPLE out there should be glad. I'm doing this for our play/musical thingy.

:) Don't touch my ice-cream.

OR ELSE.

2007-03-21T20:59:00.000+08:00

Today was and is going to be the most fun we've had throughout the whole learning journey week.
We went to Kusu Island.
We tried to save our egg from breaking. It didn't break
But they threw it away. XD
In the end, Afiqah and i went to pick SHELLS!
So pretty. :)
We ate a lot of tictac and chips.
I almost threw up. But i didn't. XD
We took the Cheng Ho III to and fro.
It was old. and fake. but the breeze was nice. :) We took loads of corny photos.
And that was the end of our trip. Or at least the interesting bits.

We went to Pizza Hut's for lunch.
We paid the bill with coins. ahahhaha.
And then Iva, Jiaa, Nat, Shi Yun and I went to the cenotaph.
It took us ages to find it.
About an HOUR to be exact.
When it was just across from us. XD
We walked from Suntec all the way to the Esplanade. And took a weird photo because i was the only one not in uniform.
Then we saw the Civilian War Memorial. We thought it was the Cenotaph
I think we spent about 20 mins there, until we figured out it wasn't from the worksheet picture.
We broke all of the rules that the teacher gave us.
Well all except 1. Hahahaha
It was raining when we were there.
So we got wet. Even with umbrellas.
We ran back to the Esplanade, and tried to look for a place to sit and eat.
We decided to go to Citylink, when i had to run to the library@esplanade. So stupid.
AND they silly twits. Went back all teh way to suntec.
Made me lost. I couldn't find the Mcdonalds for goodness sakes!
So i had to put on my tourist accent and ask for directions. I think i'm loosing it.
Finally found it, and had my mocha. And we shared 2 large fries, and they had 1 before that.
SO much junk food. I need to burn it off. HYPER RUNNING.
Iva, Shi Yun and i got on the MRT. We were squashed. And we kept laughing.
All in all, it was a great day. Lots of laughter.
Ralph is coming in tommorow. Let's hope we can meet up. At least see a familiar face from Beijing.
We should do it again sometime. :)
It was awesome.

And now, i just cut my bloody finger, which, coincidentally is bloody.

I really am not a sadist. REALLY TIGER! *hmph*

2007-03-19T14:20:00.001+08:00

hm. i'm so prompt in updating. eeeek. yea, anyways.

Today, we had to sit through FOUR AND A HALF hours of a project management course for research studies. Of course, it was as boring as anything. *sigh* We pretended to be important. Hah! With the tables and everything. :D

We came up with the Doggywoggie 5000 (at least i think that's how it's spelled). XD

=============================

I just visited my old, kinky dead xanga.

I started it during the alex phase. (no offence alexx! I love you to bits now too. XP)

I realised how petty it all seemed

How childish.

I'm not trying to be deep or anything

But my problems then,

Seems like nothing compared to now.

I guess the saying, your worries grow with age really is true.

I had terrible grammar.

And all i had to worry about was petty little fights, little insults,

It's not like now

It never was.

Every laugh, every sigh, every tear shed

Makes you a day older.

Doesn't make you any younger.

Sure, you make act like it.

I don't feel fourteen.

I feel forty.

Most of my classmates have eyebags

Is this seriously normal?

I don't think so.

I'll slow down.

Change gears.

Stop.

I won't make the same mistake twice.

2007-03-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

hah. another pointless post. mm, i should really get started on my links.

I just watched the charity show. You know, the one whose hospital has a monk chairman? yeah, that.
Don't you just wish you had his courage?
His drive?
His motivation to help his patients?
It might seem so common.
I can just imagine the thoughts of others.
Sorrow, pity.
I however, feel inspired
I cried.
I cried for hope, happiness, laughter.
I cried for pain, suffering, anguish.
I will do something.
This isn't just a wimp.
Or a spur of the moment.
Somehow, i've known this.
for so long.
I'm meant for greatness.
I'm meant to do something, to reach out.
I won't say i'll try
Because trying never gets you anywhere.
I'll say, i will.
Because i can.

2007-03-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

:D So today, we went to vivo. WE as in yidan, chinkie, zr and i. yesh. I think we totally forgot to take photos. haha. but i'll tell you what happened.

I'm hyper now. :D Anyway, i was late. yea. AIR, i think you rubbed off on me. :P So i met them at carl's junior. Yidan was drinking. coke. haha. the guys finished 9 cups between them. too bad i wasn't there to watch. BUT they did drink their last cup in 10 seconds flat. :) crazy. Peisu doesn't know whether that's skill or stupidity. Now there's something to think about! I bought my long awaited STARBUCKS! wheee, and they were doing card tricks. Quite obvious ones may i add. :P

Then, we went to watch the Messengers. Pretty pointless, and thank god it wasn't as scary as the other two horror ones i've watched. I think a lot of it is due to the sound effects. haha. I spent half the time hiding behind my jacket, and the guys kept trying to pull it away from me. It was FREAKY okay? I'm not a very big fan of horror. I've been traumatised by like WINNIE THE POOH for goodness sakes! haha, you know, we went to retrieve our popcorn from the counter using coupons. Guess what they gave us? TWO giant drinks and TWO HUGE tubs of popcorn. One sweet and the other salty. haha. I think we used quite a bit to throw at each other. :) Yesh, in the end, chinkie and yidan got freaked out too. I think the only person who watched and listened to the whole thing was zr. Even then, i'm not sure.

We took a trip to the rooftop, and went into DAISO's......everything was supposed to be $2. We found little cute pink coloured vests for the guys. Right yidan? hehe. And we were going to pay chinkie to wear this kinky hat all day.....(hey, that rhymes.) We went around the shop looking for murder weapons. :P Chinkie got us lost. Okay, he decided that the mrt was that way. haha. i'm so smart. i was RIGHT. HAH. And i needed my altoids, but THEY HAD NO STOCK. wahhhhhh. i NEED altoids. *hmph*

We all they happily skipped to the MRT. more like ran, since it arrived already. Chinkie, decided to take photos and videos. And then, he had the great idea of disfiguring the adorable cow tin that held our popcorn. BAD chinkie. You know he kinda reminds me of how someone would be if she were a guy........:P I had to get off at Kovan to meet my mum and brother........and then went for training.

And now, i'm sitting here, typing this. I just finished microwave cooking papdums. XD I guess my story for today ends here. haha. i feel hyper. I think this is one of the non-depressing posts.....:P

I am NOT a sadist.

Iz

2007-03-16T23:26:00.000+08:00

I just realised i have this HUGE dedication post stuck....i haven't finished yet. yeah. i'll finish. someday. mmhmm. It was jules's birthday, and she received this UBER cool computer. The smallest one known to the public, may i add. I feel jealous. Hah. i just remembered that i totally forgot to post pictures from our last outing. So here goes a REALLY long photo....thingy. yeah.

Alice and Me. haha. i think we just woke up. Or maybe, it's chinese class. XD I wonder if you miss my pen stabbing..

This is Jules. Best friend. You can't tell because she's covering her pretty little face. She's one third of the three musketeers.:)

Joyce and Airr. I can't post all of the nice pictures, because it'll ruin something i have planned...

mmm. i like this picture. haha. although jules will go...EWW, i look like a hag. XD

Okay, so that's debbs in red, jules, me, alice, joyce on top, air, and sizhen. We had a whooping good time. Seeing your friends who don't know how to ice-skate but try is absolutely hilarious. :)

Debbiee...hahah. We ditched you right in the middle of the rink to circle you. hahaha. This is a perfect example of what was mentioned above. :)

This is moi. I think alice or joycee took this. hmm? Speak up! but, i do quite like it. hehe.

And the final picture. DUN DUN DUN. Air and I. Best friends. The other two thirds of the three musketeers. Lol. we have this LONG and complicated beginning. hah, even we don't remember it. But it doesn't really matter. Because we are SISTERS. okay, not really, but yeah. you get my drift. Not just me and air. Me air and jules. mmhmm. :D

I love you all.

Iz

2007-03-11T10:55:00.000+08:00

You've done so much. So much more than i can remember. Those were the times, weren't it? When I rushed into things, and ended up hurting others in the end. Hah. You're right. We won't be who we used to be, and we can't pretend that things will ever be the same.
I don't remember how we became best friends. I really don't. It just...happened. Didn't it? Hah. We didn't get along, us and that certain friend. And then boom, it just happened. We were all starting to be friends before i got pulled away. Sometimes i think that did you a load of good.
My leaving seems to have brought you two closer. And i'm glad.
Singapore is awesome. It truly is. But it somehow doesn't feel like the place i'm meant to be at....
Perhaps we won't truly be bestfriends. It takes one to know one.
But, I'll keep you close.

-------------------------------------------------------------

That was a tad bit depressing. Okay. So now, i need to talk about HAPPY things. Yesh. So on Wednesday, we did a test run for our Asthetics project. Very hectic and messy. I don't think we'll get too many orders. I mean, come on. $6 for a set? Seriously? I can't believe the teachers said 130% of the making price. isn't that a tad bit much? haha. And swim carn. Now that was crazy. All the spectators were yelling. Oh, wait, isn't that how it's supposed to be? The ranking went Tarbet, Waddle, Buckle, Hadley and Richardson. Mmmhmm.

I am so obsessed with my newest pen. It's a pink elephant. What elephants are pink? Exactly, so, that what makes it so cute. I just found out i scratched my phone. Bad. uhoh......i am going to be murdered.

Right. So, anyways. I have really nothing much to say. *shrugs* i'll post again if i do. :)

Smile!

2007-03-05T16:52:00.000+08:00

If you were coming in the Fall,
I’d brush the Summer by
With half a smile, and half a spurn,
As Housewives do, a Fly.
If I could see you in a year,
I’d wind the months in balls—
And put them each in separate Drawers,
For fear the numbers fuse—
If only Centuries, delayed,
I’d count them on my Hand,
Subtracting, till my fingers dropped
Into Van Dieman’s Land,
If certain, when this life was out—
That yours and mine, should be
I’d toss it yonder, like a Rind,
And take Eternity—
But, now, uncertain of the length
Of this, that is between,
It goads me, like the Goblin Bee—
That will not state—its sting.
-- Emily Dickinson

Fall doesn't come here, nor will it ever.
Nothing will be the same.
Nor will it ever go back to the way it used to be
So i guess this means goodbye.
Not au revior,
But adieu.
Adieu.

Iz

2007-02-26T17:34:00.000+08:00

I seriously need to do some soul searching.
What do i want to do with my life?
Where is it going?
Is this really the only path for me?
What is my purpose, really?
Why can't i be a filal daughter?
Or a better friend?
Is this the start of a new chapter?
Or the beginning of the end?

I feel so lost, confused.
About who I'm supposed to be.
And who I really am.
I want to change the world.
I want to reach out, and inspire.
So i'm told,
Friendships never transpire.
So i'm told,
I'll live until 85.
So i'm told
I'll marry a rich guy.
Hah. I wish.

Sometimes i wish i was famous, in a good way.
At least i know someone out there will be touched by what i do.
Being famous gives you the ability to influence, not just those around you.
I'll start.
I'll make a change.
In all of your lives.
You all keep telling me I did.
I'll do it some more.

I'll never stop

2007-02-24T00:04:00.000+08:00

hey. sorry for not posting. i gotta put up a chatterbox sometime. no one really reads this anyways. ah well.
I just realised how real this is.
I'm never going back again, am i?
I'm never going to truly be part of your lives again.
I'll never go to school in Beijing again.
I'll never be more than just a memory.
All the times we spent together.
All the fun we had,
Is just one huge blur.
Isn't it funny?
Isn't it funny how nothing turns out the way you ever want it to?
Or that promises made are so easily broken.
Or how one simple word could make a person feel so alone.
I'm stuck between the past and the present.
I can't seem to move on to the future.
I know i shouldn't dwell on it.
But judging from what i feel now, it's not such a big mistake.
The future doesn't seem to be looking up.
There's a hole in my heart.
And it seems as if nothing can feel it up.
Air, i'm so glad that you're happy. You deserve to be, after all that you've gone through.
But it hurts me, for some reason.
Because i've never been able to make you smile like that, with your whole face lightening up.
You look really pretty you know.
I think the dating rule is going to be broken. :)
I've never been able to make someone that happy before.
ZR said that i have a long life to do so.
I say i'll die young.
Happy endings are never real.
All you can hope for is that you live through the storm.
I've been so thankful to have met all of you.
And i hate to lose you so soon.

2007-01-28T21:33:00.000+08:00

ooh. i think i really like this new blogskin. so anyways. Omg, i feel so busy. it's like, busy busy. not much difference........lol. haha. i got into CO, so that's one less thing to worry about. i feel so worn out for some reason. There are bags under my eyes. *shudders* wait, i always HAD bags..i feel so stressed, and the year has hardly begun. *sigh*

__________________________________________

Sometimes, i just feel so..lonely you know? Everyone has somewhere to fit in, but i don't seem to. Don't get me wrong. You're all the nicest people i know...but i think my heart is still in beijing. I left a huge part of it there..and and...i miss it. I miss everything. I don't really feel like a rafflesian yet. At least, not emotionally, unless you're counting pride. I always seem so depressed nowadays. Sure, i act crazy all the time, but i don't know if i act like that to forget, or it's just...me.

I don't know if i'm strong enough.

iz

2007-01-12T20:54:00.000+08:00

haha. okay. no one is EVER reading this. except air, jiaming and yidan. :) so good. HA! my getting in does NOT affect cca quota, so that's good. I'm so bored of this skin, so jiaming has the honour of picking one for me. i'm really bored. isn't it like the topic today> ah well.

i hate this gloomy weather. it's so boring. hehe
__________________________________________

You know those times when you feel that a part of you is missing, and you have no idea what it is, or why it's there? According to Mr Lancaster, it's an "imbalance of hormones", as we are teenagers. Is this really the case though? Don't you ever feel imcomplete, or that you've lost something. A part of me is missing. I left it with you, and i never got it back. I gave something to my bffs...but isn't that supposed to make you content? Knowing that they'll always remember you, cherish you, and hold on to all those memories? I think deep down, we all know that we always forget. We always don't keep our promises. Will we still remember each other 10 years down the road? Sometimes, you know that you'll always remember a person, but do we always care?

I know i'll always remember you. Beijing has played a huge part in my life, and i wouldn't be the person today if it weren't for all of you. It will be the past, it is the past.

i wouldn't change my life for anything. Anything that i could've done or been. i don't regret it.

Iz

School. nothing to read.

2007-01-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

ha. rgs is so unexpected. mhmm. they're as crazy as you air. YES YOU. XD but then again, you did come here for two months last year, so you fit in. the people here are really nice...but somehow, i feel alienated, you know. and not ingenious enough. they seem to smart. And yea, we just received a PT during our first bio lesson on monday....due in 4 weeks i think. AND the lit proj. omg, we haven't even gotten together yet! yea. and crap. i still have those freaking cca trials. i can't even sign up till the 13th. all those sec 1s are going to steal my places! NOOOO. if i don't get into the team, i'll....ekkk. stupid ankle. Why did you have to let me sprain you just before i left??? i missed out on my last game. MY LAST GAME. *hmph* thanks alot.

trying to fill out everyday with pics....so hard though. i promise i'll try.

living a memory. where is the past? what does the future hold? will i ever see you again? or is this goodbye, forever?

=iz=

^ ^

2006-10-15T10:00:00.000+08:00

It's been bloody ages sinc i posted huh. nearly two weeks. it just scares me how time flies by. in a week, i'll have to go back, and take my stupid little tests. I'M NOT READY. my dad keeps telling me i can flunk my school homework, but for some reason, i can't. i just can't. It's so weird. I thought back about to the times where we would just have fun. Alice and I in history, using David's sign, joyce telling about her book, and how we would discuss her umms. XD The debate, where she would use her voice, which is like 100 times louder than any of us. How tanz and I fight for my water bottle, yelling MINE. And the skittles. THE SKITTLES. hahah. where everyone would say i can't catch them with my mouth, and i'd prove them wrong. Most of the time. I have a hidden talent! hehe.

Time flies by so fast. I can't believe there's only 8 and a half weeks left. (my time in s'pore doesn't count, because, no duh i'm in singapore)

I'm going to miss all these people, you know? I've only got to know most of them for the past 2 1/2 months, but we're so closely knitted, it feels weird not to see them ever again. I think we're all so lucky to meet people like them. We fit in naturally, and it isn't very big either. *sigh* I know, i can't wait to go back to singapore, but a part of me will always be missing, because all of you hold it. :)

You don't have to give it back, just hold on, and remember.

e m o t i o n s

2006-10-02T10:16:00.000+08:00

what's with people and depressing moods these days. huh?? we're young, carefree, and supposedly happy. Things hurt. People hurt. That doesn't mean we can't live our lives the way we want to. I know, the things that have happened to me made me a stronger, better person. i know i can do the things i want to. it's my life, my choice. why let other people ruin it?

Too many people wear masks. PRENTENDING. I can't live my life, knowing that my friends aren't who i made them out to be. I've got through emotional stress. We've gone through it. it's life. I just nee to know who YOU really are.

I feel like i'm living in a fake world.

=iz=

whew

2006-09-29T16:31:00.000+08:00

*ahhhhh* lol. hey. all my freaking energy is gone. I lost it mostly on worry really. It was pretty stupid of me too. The fair was a HUGE success. Finally something else to add on to my record. Hey, c'mon. We did earn alot. did you see the lil envelope thing? it was BURSTING. pssst AIR you can add that too...you did organise it too. now all i have to do is get the money from miss a.....oh well. now that's taken care off, i'm going to have to totally focus on my SPERS now...

I feel stressed again.

Iz

wheee. Unlucky 13

2006-09-24T15:51:00.000+08:00

My Birthday. No. 13. Unlucky. VERY unlucky. Why? Let's name some

-I have to do work! WORK
-My brother was being a right pain in the ass.
-My mum got mad. Blame the lil brat.
-I didn't get any presents
-There wasn't any balloons OR clowns.
-This day has just been crappy.

So as you can see, aside from all these people wishing me a "happy birthday" it hasn't been very happy at all. In fact, it has been the crapiest birthday EVER. I hate being 13.

Let's just go back to being a kid.

Iz.

Life as it is

2006-09-20T18:50:00.000+08:00

It's Eug's birthday tmr. For some odd reason, i know i'll always remember when his birthday is, just cos it's 3 days before mine. Not that i'd want to of course.. september is my favourite month, yet it still brings hurtful memories. I wonder what air's surprise is. She's killing me. gahh. i have a freaking travel piece to turn in, and a geo test tmr. mr dee ruins everything.
____________________________________________________________________

why won't you understand? friends come and go, it happens. if you don't make an effort to even try, why should the other party suffer? The ones that leave footprints in the sand don't mean much, the ones that leave footprints in your heart do. It's good to have friends. Sometimes, you drift away, not knowing it happens. Cherish the moment. Live it, savour it. When it's time to let go, let GO. People change. Everyone changes. We're going through the stage where we're trying to find our place in the world, to make ourselves feel significant, feel loved, feel special. There's nothing that's going to happen today that the Lord and you can't handle together.

Accept life as it is. You can change as much as you want, but life is unfair, and it's going to stay that way. I've tried. You can work around it, or try and solve it, but you can't change the way life works.

I'm going to be leaving. I'm not sure if all of you will understand me well enough to know what i'm saying. But just live it. Do it. I always feel that the time i leave, is the time i fade................into a huge dark pit of memories, that you won't remember

=iz=

Air's crazy friends that she'd rather ditch me for.

2006-09-19T21:17:00.003+08:00

isn't it freaky how one thing can change your life, just like that? if i hadn't moved, i wouldn't have met all the people i know and love. i might not have known other s'pore people, through air. okay okay, FINE. this is just a silly lil post mentioning the crazy Rafflesians. :) hahaha. here goes. (Can you believe i've only met them on the net, and i feel like i've known them like forever?...so weird)

Peisu: Serious. Absolutely adores the phrase" ah. I see" More of the ideal, RI role model. according to my dad, Rafflesians are supposed to be role models of society, well bred, and extremely smart. haha.

Yidan: She and I are so alike, it's scary. Maybe that's why she and air became friends. XD Such a scream, that girl. I used to think RGs were snobs....hahah. SORRY. These people are far from snobs by the way. I don't make friends with snobs.

ZR: HII. i know you're going to be reading this soon. :) I'll remember to get you a padlock myself, kay? He is nothing like a bookworm. In fact, i think he procrastinates too much. :) You should really study harder. You're probably smart enough, but that's not the point. We're both power hungry. hehehe.

I wonder if you guys know anyone in Sec 1......i meant that for yidan though.....i have genius friends, what can i say. I like to carry out intelligent convos! Or maybe they just make me feel smart. :D

=iz=

( " )( o o) ( " )

2006-09-19T20:09:00.000+08:00

so. nice blog eh? hahaha. finally, i have a new one. isn't the title of my post cute? peisu just showed it to me...XD i know. i'm awesome. just letting people know i have a blog.
___________________________________________________________

I just never realised how much people actually cared. I came across this post in alexx's myspace...and it really hit me. every single hi, every single greetin, a simple smile, a simple are you okay? what happened?....sometimes it comes across as nosiness, but gestures like these are so meaningful. my life isn't all that great. it isn't. i come across having a jolly good laugh, and i forget all that hurt, and pain. it's not from my friends. friends are the best things next to family. it's all these worries. i can't express them now, since it's v. v. personal, but somehow, i want to blurt it all out. but i can't. i just can't.

Guiltiness always overcomes me. whenever someone brings up eug, or edd.......i know we didn't really"go out, but even then it hurts. Even if people say they deserve it. No one deserves to be treated like that. i still can't bring myself to look edd in the face. i feel so ashamed. air(my lil retard) NAGS at me, saying that it's all in the past. i forget about it. most days anyways. but this is one of those special days that hits me like a truck. reality hurts. i'm leaving in like what? 3 months? i need to enjoy and savour every moment, every memory, and store them in my heart.

Y8 was such a dramatic phase. New sch, new friends. I remember how I got to know air thru eug.........amazingly, i switched roles with him. And i never regretted one second of it. Then there was this "thing" with alexx. Although i'm not that close to her, she's really great, with a loveable personality. Julia came, and boy, was it tough being her friend. hahah. we became friends. stopped being friends. and became best friends. Maybe this is not always the case, but there is always light at the end of a tunnel.

I don't think i've regretted anything. Except maybe that part where people got hurt. but yea. Y8 was truly a remarkable year. I LOVE ALL YOU LIL FREAKKS. :)

Y9. so far, so good. I'm closer to people i never really got a chance to know. Sang, David, Dezzy(well, you're a tiny exception) ALICE, sherina, joyce, you newbie XD....i love my class. I have air by my side, and all these people, deep down, beneath all that teasing, i know they truly care. they're the greatest classmates EVER. I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!!

=iz=